The results of a vision board I started my vision board when I started to find my voice back in 2008. I was watching Oprah and she was talking about having a vision board to put out to the universe what you wanted, what you wanted to attract, you know the whole “secret” what you put out you get back, so I decided to try it. I was on a mission to break free from this horrible marriage and if this was going to help, I was going to try.


I bought a canvas I started with a quote that said “2008 is your year!”  I than cut out quotes that touched me or inspired me, things I wanted to inspire to or be like and I glued them on there as well.


Things like

You can do it.

You are fearless

Have faith

Never give up hope


Then I cut out pictures of what I wanted my home to be, furniture, paintings whatever I wanted to see in my new home, I had pictures of my couch, my dining room set, the bedroom.all glued up there. 


I then placed places I would love to visit, Greece, Hawaii, Paris,  Italy,  Egypt.


Now I went to what I wanted to manifest in my career and finances, I had a picture of Oprah, because I always wanted to be a speaker on her show, I had a picture of a book that said New York Times best seller, I had pictures of public speakers I’d admired and wanted to be like.


I put pictures of the home on the water I wanted, pictures of money, pictures of my church and the things I would do for them when I hit it big.

I put pictures of healthy people in love,relaxing pictures that brought me peace and joy when I looked at them.


I put up bible quotes, I put up quotes about love and loving myself, whatever touched me and what I wanted to see each and every day.


Then I put it over my washer and dryer since I was always in there by myself (since no one helps with laundry,I’d have peace in there to sit and invision my new life)


I would stand there for hours washing and folding clothes while starting and seeing what my life was going to look like, be like. I could actually feel it, it was so real to me.


I knew without a shadow of a doubt that all these things were going to come to pass. 


Yes, my ex gave me crap about it, some friends laughed at me but it never diminished my belief. 


Imagine that when I finally moved out and got my own place, it ended up looking just like my vision board, I became what I posted, strong, independent, fill of joy and peace, I’ve started speaking in public, I am happy and at peace.


I am looking forward for the rest of my things on my board to come to pass and am working on yet another one with bigger and better things. 


So today put out there what what want, what you expect to happen and then believe that it will, that’s all, simple as that!

Continue reading “The results of a vision board”

The depth of denial

How far are your depths of denial? Yes there are many people that are in this place and they cant seem to know or want to move from there.


They figure if they don’t talk about , if they shove it into the back of the closet pile other stuff over it and close the door its gone or if they pull the blankets over their heads like we use to do when we were little and afraid, close our eyes real tight then it will go away.


Except surprise! They are still there, what ever you are trying to bury is still there.

It doesn’t matter what your hididng your hooked on prescription medications, your a drunk, your child is dropping out and sleeping around, you were sexually abused as a child, you can’t stop eating at night, whatever it may be that yiur running from, the problem is still there.


Until the day when you find the courage to stand up, own your part, take responsibility for what is going on , nothing is going to change, you will continue to blame others, you will continue to live with guilt and pain that will not go away until you release it.


Trust me nothing is as bad as you make it seem in your head! I know I put all of my demons, problems and mistakes out there each and every day for thousands to read, could it be any worse than that?


You won’t be able to get to your next level if your carrying all your junk on your back, you can’t climb up that latter if your hands are full of crap from the past, let it go and use your hands to pull yourself up and out of the hoe you tired to buried all your stuff in.


Trust that you will have the support of your family, your family, your church family and even if you have no one you always have God, who will never leave you.


Find a support group, they understand what you are going through, tye Internet is a wonderful thing to find others, go to consulting, find a preacher , it doesn’t matter be pro active about the rest of your life.


Okay, I never sugar coat anything, I  not Willy Wonka, is it going to easy oh Hell no, if it was going to be easy we would have all done it years ago, it will be tough, hard and at some times excruciating but when you come out on the other side it is so worth iy, no more hiding , no more lying, cheating, covrring your tracks, worried someone will find out, all of that will be gone, you will finally be free and what a feeling freedom is!


So today take that step, reach out to some, admit you have a problem, ask for help , it doesn’t make you weak it will make you stronger! 


This is your life don’t hide from it, live it to the fullest, be your authentic self, the one God created you to be, the best you possible.

The steps to hear God’s voice

In the last year every day I am in a constant state of grace and gratefulness. 

I gave it all over to God and realized that I cannot do this on my own, it was too big for me to handle, I needed help, big help, his help.


Now when I talk about God , this is my walk , you may or may not believe in God and that’s fine, its about whatever gets you through your day, if it works for you then its good!


But this is what got me through my dark times, I let go, I only looked at the positive, I was grateful for even the smallest things, before becoming grateful for everything,I cut out negative people from my life, I forgave others but most importantly myself. 


Yes, there are steps to get you where you want to go but when you get there it is amazing!


Here are some questions to start with:


Do you only see the negative in life?


Is  your entire faith walk is driven by your senses?


Do you have to see it? Do you have to touch it for it to be true?


Faith is the belief in things unseen…

so if you want to know what worked for me here are the three steps that taught me to hear Gods voice.

1- You must submit yourself to him.


He doesn’t force you to want to hear him.

He is there if you seek him out. 


2-Read and apply his word to your life.


Yes we are all human and God knows how many times I have screwed up, but I keep trying to be better, I keep trying to apply his word to everything I do.


3-Be spirit driven.


Always feel the spirit in you, it will tell what is right and wrong, it will guide you, it will fill your soul with peace and joy.


Last year I decided that my motto would be:

Where he leads me I will follow. ..

That’s it, I will not ask questions, I will not complain if it was not what I wanted or prayed for, whatever comes I will be grateful, I will give praise, I will not worry, it is not my will it is his, I let it all go.

I decided I was not going to have:

Ego= edging God out

I obviously have made some really messed up decisions on my own, so I was going to quit and let him make them for me.


I have never had so much peace and joy as I have felt this year, this is my journey and how I got here, if it works for you great, if you got there another way great as long as each and every day you feel like your in a state  of grace and gratitude.







The 21 day fix week 1

I told you last week that I was starting the 21 day fix and I started this on Monday. 


Now, the food wasn’t much of an issue for me, I try to eat healthy for the most part, what shocked me was the portions, I thought these small containers were ridiculous, I was going to starve to death. 


I was pleasantly surprised to find out that I wasn’t hungry at all, it was easy to do ,I got to eat all the foods I like, even cheese, peanut butter and olives,potatoes, pasta,rice and bread and other things.


I thought the videos would be easy as I work out everyday, and was glad they had both an intensive , moderate and easy version of each exercises, that and each set they broke down each exercise  to 1 minute,  60 seconds, yes you can do anything for one minute.


I have to tell you I worked muscles I didn’t know I had, I can hardly put my shoes on, but its a good sore, I feel like I did something, its working. 


I am determined to get in the best shape of my life , I am doing this with my daughter and best friend, we also go online to encourage the other group members, it gives you encouragement, like when I was tired the last two nights,  I had worked out in the gym both mornings and didn’t want to do the dvds at 10 pm but my daughter said come on and I did both nights at 10 om!


I felt great afterwards and was glad I did it, yes I was tired and yes I didn’t want to but I pushed myself, thats the key to push yourself out of your confort level, to go beyond what you thought was possible!


So yes this week was alot to get use to bit I got through it and next week will be easier and by 21 days it will become a habit and I will become stronger and tougher and know that I can do anything if I put my mind to it! 


So come on, you can do this start today check it out on my web page , be the best shape of your life, join me and the many others who are doing this, it will change your life forever.

The difference between you and I is….. nothing

Yes,the difference between me and you is nothing. The only difference is that I write about my life for the whole world to and judge.


I am a single mom, I have two girls that I am trying to raise the right way , I worry about them constantly and pray they go the right way.


I work full time and then have a job on the side, I volunteer at church,  I work out, I have issues with my ex and I have relationship issues, yes I  just like so many of you.


There are days that I don’t want to get up and go to the gym, I’m hurting and I’m tired (you did read my blog yesterday?)


I get home late, everyone is pulling at me , I need this, you said you would do that… there is never enough time in the day.


I have bills, things come up unexpectedly, why is gas going up so much? 


I use to get worried, how am I going to do this on my own, for 24 years I had someone doing and taking care of everything, can I do this? He always said I could never make it on my own, was he right?


I miss having someone to count on, to lay on the couch and watch movies, to spoon with at night, yes we all feel the same feelings, I just, as my girlfriend says have the biggest balls she’s ever seen , (her words not mine) to put it all out there. 


My hope is that there is one women in a horrible situation, that doesn’t think she could ever do this, that has no self esteem, no faith , no hope, I want her to read my words and know that anything is possible if you believe, yes, it won’t be easy but it will so be worth it!


I want them to know my deepest darkest fears and my greatest joys and all the emotions they will feel in between, but most of all I want them to know they are not alone and it will be okay, no it will be better than okay, it will be incredible, beyond your wildest dreams!


Yes and then I will tell you just when you thought you had truly found happiness and a man you thought loved you, you will be deceived and lied to, your world will fall apart again, but as long as you have faith, as long as you believe to who ever is your higher power that it will be alright, you will get past that and come out even better than before!


Yes, the only difference between me and you is I put what you are thinking and feeling out there, because I know where your coming from and I know the journey is so worth it.


So keep believing, keep hoping, keep dreaming, never give up and if you need to know your not alone, keep reading my blog, I am your biggest cheerleader!

Do I have to go to the gym today?

I write this blog every day and every day I try to keep it real, I tell it like it is the good the bad and even the ugly,  I never sugar coat anything as I want you to know that sometimes the road gets tough but you can make it.


So when I talk about working out and being a gym rat for most of my life, you might think well that’s not me , I don’t have time or I don’t like the gym, she’s lucky she feels that way.


Like so many of you, there are so many mornings when the alarm rings that I don’t want to be here, like this morning!

Yes, I could have sleep an extra hour would have loved to throw the alarm across the room and rolled over into my next dream of lasagna (I am on a break from men, not even dreaming about them!)


But no, I dragged my butt up and to the gym. Feeling it or not, its what I have to do.


See any kind of change is hard, when I got my kit for the 21 day fix I looked at the containers and called my girlfriend and said “are they kidding we are going to starve!this is going to suck” (yes, I am human and don’t always see the sunshine, sorry to disappoint you)


Then I thought now I will have to get my food ready, figure out what to est and what not to, this is going to be a pain, changing everything, yuggg.


I was thinking what the Hell did I get myself into now? I love to est! But I have to make a choice my love of eating or a sexy body for my 50th….hmm… sorry sexy body won out! That and I love a challenge can I do it? How far can I go? How much past the pain can I go?  And the nay sayers and haters help too, “oh yea… you dont think so, watch this!”


I love good food, I had always ate like a truck driver, my mother would tell me to eat before a date because no guy would ever ask me out again after seeing me eat! So yes I am just like you, love to eat, hate to get out of bed some days, I have a bad knee, my back hurts and I am tired sound like you? Yes we are all the same, we don’t want change, we want the easy way out and we want it now!


Yes if genie from Aladdin came and saif you never have to exercise, you can eat anything you wish and you will stay healthy and have a hot body Hell ya that would be one of my three wishes are you kidding!


But until then I have to make a change, put in hard work and do this all on my own.


I am telling you this so the next time you don’t feel like going to the gym or when change seems daunting remember you are not alone, we all feel like that even the gym rat!


So push yourself and you will be glad you did, life is too short to do things half way, be all in. 


All things happen for a reason

I am a true believer in everything happens for a reason and never more so than yesterday when I received a friend request from someone that I never knew but would change my outlook on people forever. 


This women, as I came to find out, was a strong,  beautiful,  intelligent woman who also got caught in a web of lies.

She was yet another victim of a man who has no scruples and obviously no heart. 


I have come to know her and his wife though this horrible mess and can tell you that the lies one man can tell can hurt so many people and have such a ripple effect on others.


How does “a man” do this and still be able to look himself in the mirror each and every day is beyond me.


 How do you give a “a gift”  a cross, something that has such symbolism to one person, tell them you had it blessed by your Priest, then rip it off her neck in a fit of rage and  wrap it up and present it to another with the same story?


Then as you get caught in your lies,on your way out the door, you steal back your “gift” and give it back to the first person yet again with an apology?


Yes, you did not read this wrong, people I can not make this up!


It is incomprehensibly, you are shaking your heads just as we were when we were speaking yesterday. Who does this kind of thing? 


Who breaks multiple women’s hearts and not think twice about the pain he causes,  you can’t imagine that because no sane person would ever do something like this. 


It blows my mind how intelligent, self supporting women can fall prey to a man like this…but it seems like there is a pattern, just coming out of a horrible relationship, low self esteem, wanting to be wooed, needing someone to say all the things you’ve longed to hear. 


Yes, these type of con men know your weak spots and play right into them . They make you think that they can’t live without you and that the world revolves around you until your head is spinning and BAM!! they got you.


It is only then that you start to see the red flags and choose to ignore them because at this point you are so in love, you no longer can see straight. 


But yes there are signs, there are nagging feelings you can get rid of, the are things that don’t add up but you again choose to make excuses for them and for him.


At this point one of two things happens, you either run through the red flags while they are slapping you in the face and pretend they are not there or you realize that all of these nagging signs are real and you dig deeper to find out the truth knowing that staying in this relationship it will only get worst.


I am not a better women because I ran away at the first sign of his sickness, No,I was just at a different place in my life, I knew what I had just came out of and I knew that I would never go back again.


I would never let a man treat me like less than again! I was determined to have learned my lesson the first time and not repeat the same mistakes twice.


 I also had my girls, that I love more than life, to think of, they saw 16 years of a man treating me like crap, what did I teach them? And now that I was out what did I want to teach them from this?


So no, I was not a better women, I was just in a better place to walk away.

You need to know your worth and you need to take a stand and not allow someone to treat you less than. 

Even if that means you will be alone, its okay.


I am so blessed that this has happened to me and have wrote about it before, I have met two wonderful women, I have become now more than ever a loud voice for injustice.  I will continue to speak out and help pull up women from their self depreciation, to constantly tell them they are worthy and that they can do anything they set their minds to.


I will not stop until we all hear, see and feel the warning signs and are able to run away on our own, until then I will be here to help you and even carry you if I have to, to be the best you can be.

Death and life are in the in the power of the tongue. ..

Yes this quote is in the bible, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue”


There are so many things that this means, you can build up a person as well as cut a person to the core with your words.



Funny how you hear things just when you need them, as I was sitting in church last night when before service, I seen a really good friend of mine post on Facebook and she said  that she no longer has faith, it will never work out for her, it’s been bad for so long and that’s how it will continue to be.


I sat there reading this and I could feel her pain, I too had lost faith and yes, like her I went through some dark times yet all through it I kept praying and envisioning how it would get better.


See we were both in dark places, we were both hurt and lost but I chose to know and believe that it will get better, I spoke those words to the universe, to God and most importantly to myself.


And then of course I got this word, about how words can build you up or tear you down, how the words you speak effect the outcome of your life,.

“You breathe life into your words” or you know the one “The Secret”  what you put out is what comes back to you.


Karma, same thing, what you do to others comes back to you, people I didn’t make this up!


If you tell yourself you can’t make it, or you can never do a triathlon, you won’t, you have to believe you can do it, breathe life into your dreams and goals, your words and thoughts make it happen or cause dreams to die.


Imagine if you had two twins and each and every day you spoke goodness and kind, encouraging words to one, telling them they can do or be anything they set their mind to.


To the other you tore down, you demeaned them, told them they were worthless and never will amount to anything,  do you think they will both have the same self-esteem? Do you think they will believe what you have spoken over their lives? Of course your words have shaped their lives, their thoughts of themselves.


Women who are strong, independent self-assured women fall for men and end up  giving their power to them, they eventually start believing that they are worthless and can’t make it without that man.


Ceo’s, Vice Presidents, powerful women I’ve met, women who run large companies, yet can’t leave a two-bit, good for nothing man because she secretly thinks she is worthless without them.


Yes, your words are powerful, more than you even know.So today think about the words you are speaking, what are they saying to the universe? What are they saying to your children,  your spouse?

But most importantly what are they saying to yourself?


Words are life and death…. choose wisely, they will come back to you.



Does my faith scare you?

Recently when speaking to a few friends I have heard this comment “you know you’re referring to this God thing a lot and you know your scarring people.”


Really? Can you scare people with your own beliefs? I guess if your beliefs are different or maybe if you have none of your own.


I get it, I grew up Catholic, my Priest was a drunk and a hypocrite that wouldn’t let me have my communion that is until my dad paid him off. So yes religion” left a bad taste in my mouth.


I realize everyone has there own closeness to “God” and what they believe, I never try to push my “God” on anyone, I only speak of what he has done in my life and how my beliefs got me through my darkest hours, you might have your own way to get through things and if that works for you, terrific! What ever gets you through your day works.


This is my journey, this is who saved me when lying in my dealers house after a 7 day coke binge, in the same dirty clothes, wacked out of my mind, at one of the lowest points in my life, that I fell to my knees and cried out for help because I no longer had the strength to go on, it was my God who gave me the strength to pick myself up and walk out that door and leave all the drugs and drinking behind.


It was my God who stopped me from killing myself when I couldn’t go on one more day with a man who treated his dog better yhan he treated me, it was my God who gave me the courage and strength to leave, to start my own business,  to know that I didn’t need a man, any man to do this.


Look, your “god” might be Buddha, Hosana, or anything else you want to call him, or nothing at all, maybe your just spiritual, it doesn’t matter, does it get you through your darkest times? Does it give you comfort? Does it calm your fears? Then it works for you.


I don’t preach “if you don’t do this, or that, you will go to hell” “if you are this type of person, your going to hell” “if your not perfect, your going to hell” No, I am far…. far from perfect, my Bishop says we come to church because we are all sick and need to be healed., 


There are no perfect people, I am just trying to be the best I can be and sharing my journey in hopes you might be reading this and don’t think you can go on, or that no one understands or you are scared, I want these people to know , you are not alone, I’ve been there , I was scared, I laid on the floor crying and begging for help, the only difference between me and you is I put my stuff out there for the world to see to try to help another person.


For me God has worked and in telling my story, I must tell you how I got to the place I am now, for me it was God, you might want to take another road and I am fine with that, but this is my journey and I write about what I know and what works for me.


I just want to be a blessing to others and to inspire others, if my beliefs scare you, read the next days blog, believe me it will be different as I write about what moves me each day,whatever that may be.


But I must tell you, I will be talking about my God as he is the one who saved my life and who each and every day I give thanks to and will continue to praise. 


So I hope that this clears up the issue of my faith and my “preaching” about it, my thing is whatever gets you through the day works for you and whatever gets me through my day works for me, it’s just about finding something that will do it for all of us.


Never going back there again…ever

I am a easy going person, I try to see the best in everyone and I am big on forgiveness but when I am done with you, I am done,there is no going back, ever!


I will give you the shirt off my back, I will be your friend through thick and thin, if I am in love with you , I will be your biggest cheerleader, you will never have to think about if I have your back, I do!


If you break my trust,  if you purposely hurt me, its over, done, finished, I am a one and done girl , just like my idea about tattoo’s, for me one and done, don’t need to feel that pain again, got one that expresses all I feel, done.


Yes, I will forgive you but sorry I don’t need to learn the lesson again, I’m good thanks! When I finally had the courage to leave my abusive marriage, that was it , there was no going back, been there, done that results continued to be the same, so why stay?


When my ex boyfriend cheated years ago, I threw him out in the street at 1 am on Christmas eve , oh yes I was done, Christmas eve not, sorry.


 Just like the last “boyfriend” who was leading double life, I threw him to the , curb at 2 am (wait… there’s a pattern here.. don’t piss me off in the middle of the night if you need a place to sleep)


It’s over done, no explanations, no I’m sorrys, done I don’t need a repeat performance, got it loud and clear the first time.


I don’t understand people out there they let their “others” hit them, then make excuses for their behavior, then after the second, third time, they are still there, why? Do you really expect a different result? He’s cheated on you a dozen times, do you really think if he does it 13 times , that will be enough for him, he will stop there? Come on be real!

Is a no good man better than no man? Are you that afraid of being alone that you will put up with anything? 


He’s lied about his past, his finances, his ex’s , you’ve caught him in more lies than you have fingers and toes, yet you believe the next thing he says out of his mouth, really? That Brooklyn Bridge is pretty cheap and I can get you a good deal on it. 


He’s promised he would quit drinking, gambling,  doing drugs,  yet he he comes again broke and drunk yet again and there you are cleaning up his puke and lying to the landlord yet again,  why?? Why do you think this time will be different?


I am not saying that people don’t make mistakes, read my blog, I am far from perfect and have screwed up plenty of times but there has to be a line if you cross it, its over. I like myself way to much to be treated like that anymore, you should like yourself that much, believe me being alone is so much better than being with someone you can’t trust or has hurt you over and over again, I swear to you, you will be okay.


Have some self worth, know your value, know that you are a queen or king and by God you will be treated like one or there is the door, don’t let it hit you in the ass on the way out! Period!


Learn your lesson, take it and move on, be determined you will not repeat that mistake twice. You will see it coming the next time, you will lay ground rules on how you will be treated and if you not its over and mean it!


Dr.Phil always says you start a relationship the way you want to be treated, stand up and know your worth and take nothing less!


You will be amazed as how good that feels, you deserve it, you are worth it, you can do it! Stand up and don’t look back, you can’t drive your car looking at the rear view mirror.