Christmas blessings

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watch There are no gifts I need on this day, nothing I could open that would make me happy, you see because I already have all the gifts money could never buy….

I have the love of my God, the laughter from my girls, I am blessed with my health, my family is always there for me. 
I have a purpose for my life and a gift to share with others.
I have an incredible circle of friends that are like family to me, I have gratefulness and I  want to be a blessing to others and I have found a peace and joy you can never get from a store.

No gifts could ever compare to these… so today my friends remember it’s not about the gifts and how much you spent, it’s about the priceless gifts you already have, you are already blessed.

Merry Christmas to all of you and may you all find peace and joy in your hearts!

Can you doubt God’s blessings?

Hump day Treadmill Treats

Can you doubt God’s blessings?
There  have been so many things that happened to me these last three years it’s hard to believe but I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that all of it was God’s doing.

When I was a mess crying and drinking myself to oblivious in my bathtub every night dreaming of the day I would have the courage to walk out of that horrible marriage, I only dreamt of a rental for me and my girls never once did I dream I would own a house of my own.

In October my landlord came to me and told me they were selling the house, I was upset but asked if I could make a offer on it not thinking in a million years I would get approved by the bank…well I did! I was shocked, that week I went to church and another pastor was there preaching he said “someone here is looking to buy a house sow a seed of 15.50 and you will get that house for 150,000. Well I have big faith so I sowed a seed of 150.50 and then offered my landlord that price which she laughed at.

We agreed on a price and I had the contract drawn up and sent it to them, they called me and said you know it’s worth more, we want 10,000 more now, I was pissed we had an agreement they laughed and said they never signed anything I responded what about morally? 

We agreed, they said too bad. I was crushed I knew the house needed at least 10,000 of work, how could I do this? but I was pissed too, how do you do that to someone? It’s just not right.
I put in two bids on other homes at a higher price and got out bidder each time.

A few weeks later I was telling my friend who runs my development the story and she says she knows one for sale, not even on the market yet, she takes me there and yes it needs alot of work I ask how much? Guess  the price?  Yup 150,000!!! Yes, it was unbelievable but true, I got this house 28,000 less than I was going to pay for the other one

But my God has dreams bigger than I could ever dream of and yesterday he made them come true. I closed on this house and am now a home owner! Yes, this was truly a Christmas gift from God.

So today my friends remember to believe, to dream big and never stop having faith because even when your dreams aren’t that big, he is dreaming up bigger ones for you….If you olny believe. ……

Let’s let it go

Treadmill Treats Monday message

Let’s let it go…

Lately I have doing alot of “do as I say not as I do” and I realized that not taking my own advice stinks! I tell everyone not to worry, don’t stress, make peace with those who did you wrong, let it go… not so easy to do, I am human and occasionally I let life get the best of me.

I have come to realize my advice is really good ( if I do say so myself) now I need to listen to it!
I am not big on new years resolutions but I am big on change, last year I said I was  going to not bring the sins of past relationships into the future and I worked hard not to do that.
This year I will  be listening to my inner voice and God’s voice in my life. I heard my Bishop say you need to love your enemies even when they are after you and my inner voice said to listen. Recently I have wrote about my ex and how what he had been doing has effected me, I am angry, I want vengeance, I want him to suffer like I suffered for 24 years but that is not “Christ like” and I really don’t want to feel like this about anyone, this feeling ruins  my peace and joy I have in my life.
So this is to him….

Today I apologize for all the unkind words I spoke to you, I do not wish to fight with you anymore, I am sorry for my role I played in the demise of our marriage, I have forgiven you for what had happened and your part and I hope one day you will forgive me for what I did.

We have children, we will always be connected through them and  there was a time when they were born that we were happy. It didn’t work out between us, it doesn’t mean that we have to go on hating each other and trying to hurt one another.

From today on if you want to keep this going that will be on you…I will play no role in it, if you want to take me to court, go ahead…If you say bad thing’s  about me, it’s okay.. if you want to be vendictive and have to get back at me…go for it…
I will no longer be playing this game with you. I wish you well, I hope one day you can be happy. … I chose to live my life with peace and joy and hope you will learn to do the same.

Your actions will no longer effect me or my life, from this day forward I will try my best to be “Christ like” to forgive, to love my enemies and to live my life not effective by what you do or do not do. So today I am letting this go…and I am hoping you will as well..

So today my friends feel free to copy and paste and send to your ex. It’s not about them, it’s not about if they respond kindly or not, this is for you, this will change your life just like forgiving others, it’s about you not holding on to the hatred that is killing you while they go about their lives, this is you letting go and doing the right thing, whether or not they do.
Let it go….let it go….

Holiday challange

Saturday Treadmill Treats

Holiday challange

I am challenging each and every one of you to take this challenge and then pass it on to a friend.

It’s the holiday season and there are so many people out there  that might be lonely or sad,
going through the motions of the holidays, just trying to get by. There might be a family who’s mom or dad recently got laid off and could use the help or an elderly neighbor that is alone and sick, let’s start this new year by paying it forward to mankind.

Pay for someone’s groceries at the store, ask a neighbor who is alone over for the holidays, help out a family that’s struggling this season, let’s start a challenge that changes the world one good deed at a time.

Let’s try to do a good deed for somone, I want everyone to post what they did and then pay it forward from now until Christmas, let’s see how many of you will step up and step out of the “it’s all about me,I am too busy box ”
This is the Christmas season, be Christ like, show love and kindness to others.

I will start by telling you my pay it forward moment  while pissed off standing in line at the 3rd post office  I went to trying to pick up a package there was a young boy about 17 or 18 next to me, I overheard him asked the guy at the counter how much it would be to send this package so it would get there before Christmas.

The postman said 20.00, the boy looked crushed and asked if was there any other way, the postman said no and then the boy asked how much to get it there after Christmas, he really wanted it to be there for Christmas.
I watched this young man look like he was going to cry, I don’t know who the package was for but it meant so much to him to get it there so someone could open it on Christmas day, it made me sad.

I took the 20.00 out and handed it to the postman and said to the boy, Merry Christmas, he looked at me shocked as did the postman and the other people I  line, the boy said “I can’t take this” I said “yes, pay in forward in another way …” he tried to give me the little money he had but I refused, he looked like he was going  to cry again, he thank me about 20 time’s, I wished him and merry Christmas grabbed my package  and left, when I tell you the feeling of joy to be able to help someone else out and make them happy was overwhelming to me.
This is the true spirit of Christmas. ..

So people I am waiting to hear your stories of paying it forward this season, let’s do this!!

I am a work in progress

Thursday Treadmill Treats

I am a work in progress

I wish I could  say I am a perfect child of God, that I don’t get mad or yell at stupid drivers or  fight with my kids, that I never   say horrible things but I can’t say that because I’m not a liar, I tell you time and time again I am not Willy Wonker I don’t sugar coat it.

I try every day to be a better person and not do these things but I am human and I have my moments just like the rest of us. It’s a pratice as I keep saying and I am practicing, some days I get it right some days like yesterday I blow it big time!

I work 3 jobs, I just got finished writing my book, I am researching publishing, I need to set up a new website, I am working on remodeling a new home I just bought and I have 2 girls and a home to take care of, yeah to say the least, I have alot of my plate.

Throw in a ex that hasn’t paid child support in months and a partner that won’t give me back my business, a couple of court cases in the mix and yes, that human part comes in and makes you snap!

Yesterday wasn’t  a proud day for me, it’s been a long week already and as I am trying to go to the post office to pick up some kind of package, in the parking lot 4 people couldn’t figure out how to park or drive, well that started me yelling and cursing in my true New York style, cab drivers would have been proud of me!

To get in there and there are 2 tellers and 40 people on line, then they can’t find my package for 25 minutes! ! Really?  I am now running to pick up my little one get her eyebrows done, get cards,balloons and a cake for her sister, rushing home to take them to their dad’s because her aunt is in town to celebrate her birthday and I am not invited.
( yes, that was snarky sorry!) Then waiting at a fast food drive though for another 20 minutes  when I get a text from him
(the ex) yelling at me about his non exstistant checks that was it, I lost it ( I know your all reading this laughing because this happens to all of us in one way or another it’s called life!)

I let him have it calling him all the names he use to call me  and letting  him know exactly what I think of him and that I  am so happy I divorced his stupid ass,  then to top it off I post it on Facebook. Okay, not my proudest moments to say the least but again I am human and just because I go to church doesn’t by any means make me even close to perfection, let’s get that straight!

But it does make me want to become a better person, not this angry person with little tolerance for others, so I go, I pray and I pray that I can become better. I even pray for my enemies. I will never be perfect but I will die trying to be the best me I can be.
I get 365 days to do it over, so yesterday wasn’t my finest, I woke up today and get a do over, today I can chose to be mad or angry or I can chose to say I screwed up and I will try it get it right today.

So today my friends it is a new day, a do over for you and me let’s chose to try to do the right thing, to hold our tongues, to be the best person we can be, think of life as an ech a shech, shake it and we get to rewrite it.

My most incredible blessing turns 18

Wednesday Treadmill Treats

My most incredible blessing turns 18.
My message to you..

I have always felt blessed even going through my horrible childhood but even then I felt God’s hand in my life.
When I was 21 the doctors found out that I had endometriosis and they told me they wanted to do a hysterectomy on me,they said it didn’t matter because  I wouldn’t be able to have children anyway but I had this crazy faith even back then.

I knew I was going to have children, there was nothing more important in my life then to have a child and I knew that God was going to make this possible. Fast forward years later, I got married and we tried to have a baby for 5 years we tried, I went to specialist after specialist and they all said the same thing that I had too much scare tissue and it would be a miracle if I did.

I finally got pregnant and had a miscarriage, we were crushed but I kept praying and than that miracle happened I got pregnant again, you wanted to come out right from the beginning, you was crowing at 7 months, I was put on bedrest, no moving except to go to the bathroom, this almost killed me, I am always on the go!

But I wanted this baby,you, so I did what I was told including waking up every 2 hours to take my medicine, 15 trips to the hospital and too many sleepless nights of worry. But 2 weeks early my incredible blessing was born on this day December 17 , eighteen years ago at 10:48 am weighing 5 lbs 5 oz.
I can’t tell you how happy I was to hold this miracle in my arms God had blessed me with a healthy baby girl which we named you Victoria Lauren after your dad’s grandma Virginia and my dad Louis, you were perfect and still are in my eyes.

I look back and can’t believe it’s been 18 years already, I can remember as if it was yesterday the first day of kindergarten as I cried as I walked you to your class. I remember being your room mom, taking  you to dance classes, cheering you on, I remember baking cookies with you while we did homework.

So many  memories of the park,the parties, the beach, of teaching you how to ride a motorcycle, play poker and all the laughs making lasagna with all of your friends in the house,singing off key in the car.

  I remember as you got older how you became the voice I didn’t have against your dad, how you would stand up and tell him that he was treating me so bad,how many beatings you got for saying the truth, how you would eat dinner in seconds because you knew he would start with me and when you would stand up to him how you would get  punishment and sent to your room without eating, so you learned to eat fast..

These times I would fight with him not to punish you or beat you and then I would get a verbal lashing, these are not happy times for us and I am sorry I was not stronger for you but it made our bond even tighter. I prayed through your teenage years as you were wild and hanging with a crowd I didn’t like,  you were tough on the outside yet have this huge heart of gold.

You pushed me away yet I held on tight, I told you all  the good you had inside of yourself , all the things you could and would be, all the things you didn’t hear from your dad. I knew you were a chosen child God had placed here for a reason and I was always going to be in your corner.

You were the one who told me to leave and be happy, it was because of your words that I had the courage to leave, together with her sister we made a  new life and yes God answered my prayers, you  straighten out and now you are an incredible young woman with a smart, streetwise head on her shoulders.

You are not only beautiful on the outside but just as beautiful in the inside and I am so proud of you and this life you will be embarking on.

I cry as I write this because I know you will do big things with your life as your a survivor and you now know your worth and will never settle for less,you have seen your fair share of pain in your life and had lost way too many people in such a short time and that has made you realize that life is too short and you need to make the most of every moment. .. but all of this that you’ve gone through  has made you this wonderful women you are today..
I love you so much there is not enough words to express my love for you…

So I will tell you to soar… fly on the wings of the angels that keep you safe and that first put you in my arms. .. you are meant to soar my child…

I will always be here cheering you on, always ready to hold your hand or for a shoulder to cry if you need it….
This is the beginning of your incredible life….live it large!

With all my love,
Now, always and forever

Pointing out the bad in others because there is no good inside of your self

Tuesday Treadmill Treats

Pointing out the bad in others,because there is no good in yourself. …

I read this the other day and it hit a nerve with me because me and my bestie had just been talking about it.

When you are truly a good person you want to see the good in others, you are happy  for others blessings, you try to lift people up not cut them down. Yet there are so many out there that to make themselves feel better need to point out the bad in you, yes we all have them in our lives.

I had an ex husband who put me down at every chance, he called me dumb, he said I could never make it without him, he cursed at me and called me every name in the book then made up some for good measure just incase I wasn’t beat down enough.

My friends sister thinks it’s okay to bring up every past mistake she has done even though she is a completely different person now, “it’s okay to say hateful things because we are family” Really?  Isn’t family supposed to love you dispite your faults?

Even my “friends” who have also been verbally abusive have now turned into the abuser, to gain control?  To feel better about themselves?  Because there is no good inside of themselves anymore? Friends who joke and put you down…it’s not a joke,it’s there true feelings masked with a laugh.

Well this is a call out to all of these people, friends, family or ex’s these days are OVER!  DONE!  I will not except this behavior anymore, I deserve respect , just because your dead inside, that your hiding your broken and missing soul is not my problem, get help, stop hating others for having a life your too afraid to lead!

I will not let your cold, dead, hatred filled heart effect my life, News flash!! you are not better than me or smarter than me yet you have to, at every chance, put me down to make yourself feel better, your still not a good person, it doesn’t make you smarter to think your always right, no a truly stupid person is one who thinks he knows it all and is not open to others opinions because they are afraid others ideas may be better than theirs.

You have a black soul, your never happy to see others do well, you always think it should have been you, you point the finger, let your evil tongue spit out hatred because there is no good inside of your heart, so to take away from others seeing the true you, the one without  a heart, the one with your life falling apart, the one who is always wearing a mask,you lash out pointing out the bad and the mistakes of others.

So today my friends, those days are over, stand up people, today is your independence day, doesn’t matter who they are, it’s over, you will not be treated like that any longer. You will be treated with the respect you deserve otherwise I will call you out then cut you out of my life! Period! Feel free to copy and paste this on your wall, send to your family, spread the message. …These who point out the bad in you, have no good in themselves…..

Why is that you can not live without a man?

Tgif Treadmill Treats

Why is it that you think you can not live without a man?

Every morning I talk to my best friend on the way to work, we talk about everything and yesterday the topic of discussion was women who can’t seem to live without men.

Some women will even settle for a crappie man than no man, really? ? Why? Are you that afraid to be alone? I now listen to that voice inside of me when it comes to men, really listen and believe me it took a long time ( I am hard headed,read my other blogs and you will see) but all of those lessons taught me to listen.

Recently I dated a guy,he seemed nice enough but something wasn’t right in my gut, I couldn’t explain it but I couldn’t get rid of the feeling so instead I got rid of him! No more poo pooing it away, trying to make excuses, nope I know the feeling and he was gone, poof just like that! Why? Because I don’t need a man, I am not desperate, I like myself and my own company, I have a fulfilling life now, don’t get me wrong, yes I would like to find someone to share my life with, but I am not desperate to have to grab onto the first one or a crappie one.

I want a man, I don’t need a man big difference, perfect example you have a big event and your looking for a dress,  you have a dress at home but you would  like a new one. You know what you want, you know your budget and you know what type of look you want to project, you try on a lot of dresses but time is coming to a end, so you buy a dress that you don’t really love, not really sure about and pay too much for, just because you think time is running out.
Now your all laughing because we’ve all done this.. you could have wore that great dress you had at home but in stead you settled for something you weren’t sure about.
Ha! Same thing with men, you are that great dress at home but you “need” to be with someone, anyone so you settle.

So today my friends, don’t settle, listen to that voice, be your own person it’s okay to be single, you get to know yourself, you get to figure out what you like and enjoy, you get to try new things and meet new people, it’s not a crime to be alone, don’t settle for less than you deserve, listen to the voice and know your worth waiting for. 

Missing your blessings

Treadmill Treats Monday message

Missing your blessings

How many of us missed our blessings because we took our eye off the prize, we thought we could do this on our own.
Ego is huge, it tells you “I got this, I don’t need help”

God has already gave you your blessings you weren’t open and you missed it.
You were too busy trying to do things your way, too worried about how the bills were going to get paid, what if’s filled your head.

When you believe, when you have no other option but to believe….When time and time again you didn’t listen to God but did what you what wanted to do and time and time again it didn’t work out, when you  can no longer do this on your own, this is when you call out “when is my blessings coming?”

Don’t you see he has tried to give them to you over and over but you had this, so he waited for you to realize that it’s not all about you but all about him.

I write all the time how hard headed I am, how I trust but how doubt still comes in, how the what if’s get to me, I am human even though I believe, I still stress sometimes and I too have missed my blessings because of this.

Did this God we serve part the red sea? Did he not turn water into wine? Did he not raise his son from death? And what about the little miracles I see here, people I knew with stage 4 cancer, healed, people who lost their house, incredibly the bank says their mortgage is paid off, hell what about my own miracles, my home I am getting, 30,000 below market value?  Just when my other deal fell through. Are these all just coincidences? No, these are all God moments, God’s miracles right here, right now!

This message today was for me, I prayed for a sign… (yet again,you did read about my hard headness ?) God always gives me a message when I need to hear it, I am hard headed, I need to do things my way,even when I hear God’s voice, even when he opens doors, when others slam shut, I am still afraid, my human side comes out and I worry about how it can that possibly happen?

I write this to let you know your not alone, I am a believer yet I worry but then I pray and I know he will take care of this…of me and I know if there more storms I will still believe… I will fall but I will get back up, you can believe that!

So today my friends if you let God have his way, he will birth things out of you and your life that will blow your mind. ..
God is pouring out blessings, In every God moment there is a leap of faith….leap….leap…God will be there to catch you.

Listening to the voice inside of you

Tuesday Treadmill Treats
Listening to that voice inside of you

I write this blog every day not because I know anything better than anyone else because believe me I don’t, it’s so that I can tell my story to others, so I can show you it’s okay to fall on your face and get back up over and over and over again and I have done just that in front of the whole world.

I write this blog so that we may learn lessons together and that I may share the lessons I’ve learned with others. Some lessons for me are harder than others, I am a little slow, it takes me a few tries before I get something through my thick head.

Here’s one I’ve been working at for a while…listening to that inner voice, really listening and then following it. When I say “voice ” it may not be an actual voice you hear, it may be a feeling, a sickness in your stomach, just intuitively knowing this isn’t right,your hair stands up, you get goosebumps, chills, whichever way it comes to you that is your “voice”

When I met my ex husband I heard the voice, I saw the flags but I was “in love” my ego wouldn’t let me go home with my tail between my legs so I stayed. I have not said things or did things not to “offend” people, I wanted them to like me or not get mad at me, even though the inner voice told me different.

I didn’t want to listen to the inner voice when I took a job after God showed me that I could do this business I started, I was scare, just getting divorced I needed a steady income, so yet again I went against the voice and what happened they fired me after one day! Yup just in time for God to have plenty of people calling for my services of my own business. Yes, I couldn’t make this crap up!

When I meet Mr. Con artist I heard that voice, it was telling me run,run… but I was so starved for love and affection, I  was broken, vulnerable, I chose not to listen even after all of my friends said things, I still didn’t listen  (I did say before I was hard headed didn’t I? )
And look how that turned out..

About  buying my house I wanted what I wanted, when i wanted it. I didn’t listen, so God closed every door in my face, over and over until I had no other choice then to sit and wait and listen and when I did he opened an even better, cheaper one for me just like he said he would.

So why do I keep fighting against the voice?  I don’t trust my judgment, I am afraid, I am not sure if what I am feeling is true just like you out there reading this, I get it , I preach about faith and believing yet I am human and I stumbled and fall.
Over and over this feeling, this voice tells me what to do and when I don’t listen, God steps in and closes another door so that I may find the right one myself.

Last night I realized that I can no longer not listen to this voice, this voice knows what is best for me and sometimes you have to step out into faith, it may not work out for you the way you imagined it but from past experiences I know it works out way better than you could have ever dreamed for yourself.

So today my friends,step out, listen to that “voice” whatever way it comes to you and follow it, this is your gift, we are all born with it, we chose not to use it. Use it, listen to it, do it, don’t be afraid…look how many times I fell flat on my face (go back to old blogs there are plenty) it’s makes you stronger, wiser and better, trust me I know, let fear go and take this leap of faith with me!! Wheeeeeeee……