The effects of verbal abuse

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buy depakote er online The effects of verbal abuse


October is National Domestic Violence month and it is a subject near and dear to my heart.

So all through this month I will be writing about it, to try to open your eyes about what it actually does to the victims.


Today I want to present you with some facts about this devastating crime and the lasting effects it can have.


This is not just me telling you, this is actual facts and reports from top researchers on what domestic violence and verbal abuse can and will do to people and let me tell you it’s really scary.


According to the CDC, they

released a study in 2008,

that surveyed more than 70,000 Americans and the

results were staggering. These are the results of  that survey.


· 23.6% of women and

11.5% of men reported at

least one lifetime episode

of intimate partner violence.


· In households with  incomes under $15,000  per year, 35.5% of women

and 20.7% of men suffered violence from an intimate partner.


· 43% of women and

26% of men in multiracial

non-Hispanic households  suffered partner violence.


· 39% of women and

18.6% of men in American

Indian, Alaska Native

households suffered

partner violence.


· 26.8% of women and  15.5% of men in white

non-Hispanic households

suffered partner violence.


· 29.2% of women and

23.3% of men in black

non-Hispanic households

suffered partner violence.


· 20.5% of women and  15.5% of men in Hispanic households suffered  partner violence.


Harvard university put out

there own study on verbal

abuse, they went on to say:


Scolding, swearing, yelling,

blaming, insulting,

threatening, ridiculing,  demeaning & criticizing can be as harmful as  physical abuse, sexual  abuse outside the home or witnessing physical abuse at home.


The report suggests that,

when verbal abuse is  constant and severe, it  creates a risk of post-traumatic stress disorder,

The same type of

psychological collapse experienced by combat troops in Iraq.


The research on which the report is based points out that children who are the target of frequent verbal

mistreatment exhibit  higher rates of physical aggression, delinquency, and social problems than  other children.


Other researchers have  associated childhood verbal abuse with a

significantly higher risk of  developing unstable, angry personalities, narcissistic  behavior, obsessive-compulsive disorders, and paranoia.


“Verbal abuse may also  have more lasting  consequences than other forms of abuse, because it’s often more continuous,”

says Teicher.


“And in combination with

physical abuse and neglect,may produce the most dire outcome.


There are always signs, yetwe chose to ignore them,

here are a few:


Do they…


*Make derogatory

comments about a group

you belong to (gender,

career, religion, etc.)

This comment might end with “I mean them, not you.”


*Make fun of or insult your

ideas, behaviors, or beliefs?


*Make negative comments about people, places or  things that you love?


*Say things that are almost true about you, but leave you wanting to defend  yourself?


*Say, “What? It was just a joke!” to dismiss a remark

that offends you?


*Ask you questions about something that just  happened and reply to your answers, “Do you care to think about that and  answer the question again” or just sit there, staring at

you, in a way that lets you

know your answer wasn’t



*Engage you in long

conversations about things on which you disagree  until you reach the point of wanting to say, “Okay.  Whatever. You’re right!”

Or insist that you repeat

what they said and then,

later, claim,

“You agreed with me!”


*Somehow manage to physically back you into a

corner or somewhere you cannot easily escape during intense



*Break you down until you

say your sorry about a fight you clearly are in the right about?


These are signs of how you feel when you are with them. Do you feel…


*Nervous when approaching them with

certain topics?


*Insulted because of their

use of foul language or does their use of foul language change the

meaning of otherwise

normal requests?

Such as: “Could you f*ck*ng tell me how much f*ck*ng longer it will be before you’re ready

for dinner?”


*A need to tell on yourself

about innocent events in  case the person hears

about it later?


*Misunderstood for the  most part, in your  relationship?


Do you doubt…


*Your sanity, intelligence, orcommunication skills  because of difficulties  relating to them?


*Your memories when it  comes to recalling  conversations or events with the person because their take on it is so  different from your own?


Ask yourself these  questions and be brutally honest with the answers because these are the signs.


Victims of verbal abuse  may:


*Have difficulty forming  conclusions and making decisions


*Feel or accept that there  is something wrong with  them on a basic level


I am here to tell you all of this is true as I was in a verbally abusive marriage for 24 years, I know how it feels to be yelled at, put down, belittled, told you are stupid and that you could never do anything right.


I spent years crying myself to sleep, thinking I could never get out of this relationship because I didn’t think I could make it on my own. His words rang over and over in my head, I’d be nothing without him, he would take my girls, I’d  be living in a box under 95…I was stuck in fear.


When I finally had the courage to leave I made it my mission to help other women, to make sure my words touched their hearts, to uplift and give encouragement to someone else who may need it, to constantly put the word out about this silent killer of lives and souls.


This will never go away if we keep quiet about it.

It has to be spoken of, we have to shine the light on this dark topic and show these men and women that even though you may not raise your hands to us, you are still a abusiver!


So today my friends, I beg you to reach out, to help others who are literally stuck in these relationships, give them a way to get out, donate to your local women’s shelters. You don’t realize how small and precious the joy is of just coming home not being afraid and just being happy is until you walked in our shoes.



“Be the change you want to see”


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Why I believe

Treadmill Treats Monday Message


Why I believe


It’s amazing how many people ask me why I believe, my question is why don’t you?


Look I get it, religion isn’t for everyone, there is as much corruption in churches as there are in politics.

Some Pastors are in it for the fame and money and yes, I know there are crappie “holy” people as well.


Some religions make you feel if your not “perfect” (Whatever the hell that means) your going to burn in hell!

Some say you must be this way or that way and so yes, it turns a lot of people off.


Hello, I used to be Catholic, believe me I know all of “their rules” and what it felt like to never be good enough so I stopped trying.


This journey I am on now is about me and God.

I happened to find a church that feeds my soul but it took me three religions and countless churches before I did.

Not every shoe fits every foot, you have to try on a lot before you find one that really fits you.


This fits me, it fits what I believe, that everyone is created equal, no matter what color, what sexual preference, no matter how you pray just as long as you pray.


My Bishop tells it like it is, he never pulls punches, he will tell you coming to church doesn’t make you a “Christian” anymore than sitting in a garage makes you a car!


You have to work on it, we are all sick people coming to church to get healed, to try to do better and be better. Sometimes we get it right and sometimes we don’t but we keep trying.


He tells us that its not that you show up in church on Sunday, its what you do when you leave Church, do you help your neighbors? Are you kind? Do you let your light shine outside these walls?


He teaches us forgiveness as no one is perfect, he teaches us that Jesus  disciples were not perfect, they were robbers, they were outcasts, they were even murders but he changed them, he believed in them even after they screwed up, time and time again. His love was all encompassing, it was true love, in spite of who you were and what you did.


That is what we need to hear, what we need to tell the world, that it’s okay of your not perfect, that it’s okay if you made mistakes, that its okay if you don’t believe exactly like me, we are all still God’s children and he will always love and forgive us.


I needed to hear this, to know that even though I’ve screwed up more times than I can count, the countless times I fell on my face, the times I wasn’t so “holy” towards others, that I had hope and that I was loved and could love others the same way.


This church, these people and this Bishop saved my life when I had hit rock bottom, when I lay on the floor crying out in pain, when I felt like I had no way to go…this place, this God…changed me and I will never forget. I will constantly praise his name and try to pass on what I have learned to others.


So today my friends, this is why I believe, this is why I am so “churchly” (Again, whatever the hell that means) as some of you say I am. Its because I am grateful for my life now, so grateful that it brings me to tears.

What makes you feel that way? What has saved you from yourself? What has changed your life?

This is my walk, this is my journey and this is what has gotten me here with a peace and joy I’ve never experienced before.

Maybe it’s time for you to start believing….


You can come by to see what I am talking about at The Faith Center in Sunrise Florida or check out my amazing Bishop, Henry Fernandaz via live streaming at


“Be the change you want to see”


“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”


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The Rocky Horror remake

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The Rocky Horror remake

I have to tell you I love The Rocky Horror Picture Show, growing up I saw it in the movie theater 125 times. Now that is not a lot, believe it or not, I knew people who saw it 400 plus times!

For me as a teenager, it was a place to hang with my friends after drinking and smoking pot, on a Saturday night at midnight.

We sang, we danced, we yelled at the screen, we threw toast, rice, toilet paper and squinted each other with water guns.

(If you have no idea what I am talking about your a virgin and need to go see it live!)

The rest of you are laughing now because you get it!

Yes, The Rocky Horror Picture Show is and always will be a classic and no matter how many times you’ve seen it, it never gets old. Hello it’s been playing in theatres around the world for the last 41 years!!

Yes….dam I am old… wow that was a scary fact, okay were was I? See that old thing again…

So when I had kids, of course I was going to introduce them to one of my favorite movies.Every Halloween we would watch it, we’ve even dressed up and went to the theater when they were old enough and it has to be one of my little ones favorite too.

So when she came home and said there was going to be a remake of it, you knew we were going to have a family night to see this.

After dinner we all jumped into my bed and waited to see how you would ever remake a classic. The opening was different, it combined today and the classic.

It showed people coming into the theater and excited about seeing the movie, it was a cool twist.

Well, I have to tell you I didn’t recognize Tim Curry as Mr. Where the fuck is your neck guy, wow…I guess we are getting really old!

Then came Brad and Janet, both actors were young and cute but definitely not Barry Bosworth or Susan Sarandon.

The side cast was good and entertaining and then came Franknfuther and I was shocked a women? But as my girls informed  me a transgender in real life who I have to tell you did an incredible job filling those high heels which is a tall job to say the least! And I thought it was a great idea for today’s generation.

Adam Lambert as Meatloaf’s character was great, he put his own twist on Eddie and made it just as good.

“Rocky” looked good but didn’t even play stupid good…sorry to say…

Janet was a good singer and did get the touch, a touch, a touch me, song.

I did love the cut a ways to the audience yelling at the screen and throwing things that was definitely a way to bring us “Frankie fans” into this movie.

The end was okay but not as impactfull as the original, all in all it definitely wasn’t even close to the original but maybe will get today’s generation to go see the original in the theatre.

They have tried to make remakes and part two’s of lots of movies Rocky, Lethal  weapon, Independence day, Freddie….so many movies tried to copy the original but that is why an original is an original because its one of a kind.

So today my friends bottom line is you can never remake a classic, that is why they are classics because they are perfect just the way they are.

“Be the change you want to see”

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

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My new book The blessing in Disguise

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Your still there, why?

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Your still there why?

This month is National Domestic Violence month and since this is near and dear to my heart I wanted to write about some of the reasons why we stay.

It’s really easy to say to someone “You should just leave or why do you put up with this?”

Believe me it is definitely easier said than done, if it was that simple we wouldn’t have a whole month just for this epidemic.

First of all it doesn’t start all at once, the abusers are slick, they know their job and they are experts at it.

They will wine and dine you, they will make you think your the only women in the world, they will say all the things you want to hear.

 They will be romantic, they will sweep you off your feet so much so, your head will be spinning and before you know it your in love, deep in love with this person.

That is when they will start little by little, one comment, them saying they don’t like this friend or that one but they will make it seem like they are doing it for your good, that they love you and want to see the best for you.

Then they will make a comment about your cooking or cleaning or the way you look and because you love them so much and want to please them, you will try to do better. You will kill yourself to always have a clean home or to look good.

Then they will threaten to leave you when you have a fight, they will threaten to take your children away, your in love, crazy in love with them and so you will do anything for them to stay.

All the while in the beginning when they say something or do something towards you, afterwards they will apologize, bring you flowers, profess their sorrow with sweet things you long to hear.

They are buttering you up for the kill. After they know they got you where they want you…like when you gave up all your friends and family, you have children together or you left your career to spend all your time doing for him and now you truly are dependent on him, that’s when its over.

Now he can say anything he wants to, he can verbally abusive you, he can and will slap the piss out of you and he knows your not going anywhere.

They will withhold love and affection, they will turn it around to think its your fault and you’ll end up apologizing for something you didn’t do. Yes, they know all the tricks, they are masters.

He is now no longer your lover, he is now your captor and your his prisoner just as sure as if you were in jail, except he doesn’t need bars.

No, he has beaten you down so much and for so long, little by little, that your afraid to leave, the door can be wide open yet you are afraid you can’t make it without him, that you literally won’t survive because he’s programed you to think this.

Now you may be thinking this only happens to poor women or uneducated women, again your wrong this can happen to anyone.

I was an college educated, middle class women with her own home and business.

 I was independent and outspoken and I never let any man get away with any kind of nonsense ever, yet here I was in this situation.

Over the years as I’ve spoken out on this very subject, I’ve heard from thousands of women, professional women, professors, Doctors,  women with Mba’s, intelligent, independent, street smart women from all walks of life, all economical backgrounds yet we were all sisters in this horrible life.

I am here to tell you it can happen to anyone. I am here to tell you to listen to your gut as all of these women said the same thing, they knew something was off, that they shouldn’t get married ect.

But that their man was so charming, so sweet and they were so in love that it blinded their good judgment.

So today my friends remember these words, listen to your intuition and run, don’t get sucked in to their game.

And if your in this situation now, trust me there is a life out there for you. You can do this, don’t listen to him, that is his control speaking in your head.

I cry almost every day that I am free, I am grateful for everything I got even if it not what I use to have before, its mine and it didn’t cost me my soul.

Get help, go online, call the hotlines, there are plenty of us out there, who got out, who are willing to help out.

 Email me, I can give you numbers and people who can help.

This is my life mission and I can speak for the others that have been there as well, we will help you, we are sisters for life.

Don’t stay in it one more second! Life is too short and your life is worth so much more than you think it is right now. Remember you are not alone!

Here are some links to get you started:

 National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233

“Be the change you want to see”

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

***Now available***

My new book The blessing in Disguise

Selling on my website:


And on

My weekly Youtube page, please subscribe:

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October is National Domestic Violence month

Hump day Treadmill Treats


October is National Domestic Violence Month


We all know that October is Breast Cancer Awareness month but not many people know that it is also National Domestic Violence month as well.


Both subjects are near and dear to my heart as both my mom and my aunt had breast cancer and I am a surviver of Domestic violence. We need to shine the light into the darkness that is so many women’s lives, women that deal with domestic violence day after day.


This month I will try to inform you with facts, statics and stories that will shock you, make you cry and hopefully open your eyes and heart up to try to help others that are in this horrible situation.


Now you might be jaded, you might say why don’t these women just leave? Come on, grow some and leave the bastard! If it was only that easy…


Some of you think this olny happens to poor, uneducated women, again your wrong, it happens to all of us, no matter what your economic background or education.


We can be your neighbor, the one with the big house and the “perfect” family, we can be your doctor, your office worker, your friend, your sister…we are everywhere, we are just experts at hiding and fronting for you, so that you have no idea what’s going on behind that closed door.


Also most people don’t think verbal abusive is domestic violence but again you are wrong.


It is definitely domestic violence just without the outward scars, the scars we have are on our hearts, in our minds.They effect our thoughts, our children lives but our pain doesn’t come with a black and blue you can see.


If you call someone names, tell them they are stupid, put them down, ridicule or belittle someone, that is abusive. It is just as if you struck someone, you are a abusiver plain and simple there is no sugar coating…


“Oh it’s just words, words can’t hurt, get over it”

It doesn’t work that way, we don’t just get over it, the words may stop but the scars are there permanently.


My girls have been changed, he changed who they are with his words, they will never be the same, they will carry this into their adult lives and maybe into their future  relationships.


Even after the scar heals, it is still there to see.

There is a memory of it permanently there for you to see, it may fade over time, it may not be so noticeably but it will never completely go away.


So today my friends,

I hope this month’s national domestic violence campaign will open your eyes to things you may have not notice before and reach out and help someone even if it’s a kind word, they may have not heard one in a long time.


Tell them your there for them, as so often they feel isolated and alone, tell them how smart you think they are and that you believe in them. They don’t believe in themselves anymore and haven’t in a long time.


Build them up, because every day they get torn down…

Volunteer at a women’s shelter, donate. Some women have no access to funds, to the bank accounts, they have nothing and if they have the courage to leave, it’s with nothing but her life…if she is lucky.


Be the change you want to see, change the world one kind act at a time…


“Be the change you want to see”


“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”


***Now available***

My new book The blessing in Disguise

Selling on my website:




And on


My weekly Youtube page, please subscribe:


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Reality Tv or Trash Tv?

Tuesday Treadmill Treats


Reality TV or Trash TV?


I’m not a big Tv watcher anymore, I was a addict for years (Maybe because I didn’t want to interact with my ex…)

I would watch hours and hours of Tv but since I got divorced not so much.

In fact this year I cut off my cable TV all together. We watch Netflix’s and I have Hulu for 7.99 a month when we do watch TV, which isn’t much.


So even though I’ve heard of all of these reality TV shows, I’ve never actually watched them. Years ago I watched survivor because I like to see how far we can push ourselves but these reality shows today have nothing to do with that.

Its not survival of the fittest its survival of the bitchest!


Recently I was packing up a clients home and they had these shows on..”Housewives of I don’t give a Dam”

“Basketball Trash” and then the creme of the creme

“The Krapdashians”


Are you frigging kidding me? Do people actually watch this crap?

Is this what our country has come to? Is this what we are teaching our children?

That’s its okay to be trashy, to lie, to cheat, to put down and trash talk others? Really? I am shocked that anyone would waste an hour of their valuable time on this hot mess.


The women (oh and I definitely use this term loosely as these are not real women)

These women back stab each other, they talk about each other, they cheat on each others men, they only purpose is to out do the others.


Wow this is what we have come to? We want more, bigger and better, we want fancy clothes, big houses, expensive cars and no morals what so ever….good job America…this is why the rest of the world laughs at us now.


I remember telling my girls when they were young that only girls backstab each other and talk about each other, that real women lift each other up, we take pride in each others accomplishments, we are there for each other, that is the difference between a girl and a woman.


Well girls, I should have added “real women” because none of the women I know or would hang out with would ever act like this or so I thought.


Until last year when a “friend” of mine or so I thought, started flirting with a ex of mine right in front of me… at my birthday no less! She then proceed to talk trash about me and tell our other “friends” not to invite me to events all because she wasn’t invited to an impromptu dinner at my house… wait was this an episode on one of these trash shows??


Yeah, it seemed that way except I don’t play that way, I told her what I thought of her childness and then cut her out of my life along with anyone who went along with her, girl please I don’t have time for petty bitches sorry…I am busy trying to uplift women, trying to encourage others not tear them down, I have a purpose and I intend to fulfill it.


So my question today is why are so many people watching these shows? Where are the shows were someone helps others out, where women are shown to be kind and caring like the women in my life?


Where are the shows that little girls and teenagers can look up to? Real role models not someone who is famous because they screwed someone and their sex tape got out…really? Or they were trash who figured out how trapped a rich guy, or wait a mobsters wife…

These are their role models oh please heaven help us with this next generation.


So today my “friends” I leave you with this, what my mom use to say to me all the time…”Show me your friends, I’ll see who you are, hang out with dogs and you’ll get fleas”


Who you hang out, what you watch, what you hear…all becomes who you are…choices people, choices. I chose to watch inspirational shows, hang out with exceptional women, listen to positive things..I chose to take out all the negative and that definitely includes Trash Tv.


“Be the change you want to see”


“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”


***Now available***

My new book The blessing in Disguise

Selling on my website:




And on


My weekly Youtube page, please subscribe:


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The number one blessing blocker

Treadmill Treats Monday Message


The number one blessing blocker


What is your greatest set back? What is holding you back? Did you know what the the number one blessing blocker is? Fear.


Yes, fear is our number one blessing blocker. Fear can take over your life. Fear can make you miss your God moments, it can keep you from your blessings, it can hold you hostage in your own life.


Don’t ever let fear decide your fate, don’t allow fear to chose your destiny.

Fear will block you from the blessings from God, it will keep you stuck in your current situation.


Believe me I was an expert in fear so much so that I was trapped in a verbally abusive marriage for 24 years.

I was afraid….afraid I couldn’t make it on my own, afraid that I was all he told me I was for years…stupid, useless, dumb…insert your degrading comment here.

So I stood stuck, unhappy, dying a slow death, all at my own hand, all because of fear.


But when I turned it all over to God, I left fear behind, I replaced it with faith.

Along the way I learned that

the phrase “Do not fear” is in the bible 29 times

The phrase “Fear not” is mentioned 365 times in the bible.


There must be a reason why he kept repeating it, there must have had been lot of hard headed people like me back then.


See for everything that was written in the past was written to teach us…

And for us to have hope!

You cannot have fear and faith, it’s either one or the other.


Fear of everything…will keep you stuck, maybe even for 24 years…

Here’s my advise if you want to let go of fear, you have 2 options:


1.You can face them head on.




2. You can run away from your God given blessings.


Pretty cut or dry, again its one or another, it cannot be both.


Look, here is the bottom line, you need to deal with the pressure, deal with the issues..don’t run

Meet your fears head on…

Again I am a expert in not dealing with my issues, that is why I turned to drugs and alcohol so I didn’t have to deal.

But if you want your blessings, if you want to overcome your fears, you need to man up and deal with it.


Fear is like a bully, when you finally get the courage to stand up to it, it slinks off and then your left thinking is that all I had to do?


Yes, stand up to your fear, remember you are not a quitter, you were built to stand the test.


You can learn to take your difficult moments and turn them into to testimonies!


Courage doesn’t mean your not afraid, it means your not a quitter. Every time I do something new, every time I step out of my box, I am afraid but I don’t let that fear control me anymore,

I do it anyway.


Don’t be fearful of whats in front of you and don’t be afraid of your past, these are all lessons, just know that God can get you through everything!


Be willing to live with out fear, don’t embrace fear, God didn’t give you the spirit of fear.


Here are some bible verses that helped me:


“Be strong and courageous!

The lord goes with you, he will never leave you nor forsake you”


“Even though I walk through the shadow of death I will fear no evil for you are with me!”


“No weapon that its formed against you shall prosper or stand”


“Live fearlessly”


Now here are 3 things you can do to live fearlessly:


1. Know who you are.

2. Have faith in God.

3. Never give up on the possibilities of the future.


That’s it pretty simple right? You control fear, fear doesn’t control you.

You have to make a choice,  to have fear or faith.


So today my friends remember as I always tell you, the choice is yours. You get to chose, either live in a world full of fear, fear of failing, fear of the unknown, fear of stuff your mind makes bigger than it actually is, blocking your blessings or you can live in faith, step out and know no matter what happens, he’s got you.


“Be the change you want to see”


“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”


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How our memories effect us

Tgif Treadmill Treats


How our memories effect us


Yesterday I wrote a blog about addiction and I knew I would get a response from my cousin who I love dearly.

It was about my former best friend and how I pray for her to get well.


Well my cousin definitely had something to say about this one…like I didn’t already know that… and yes, she is right. Lately I was thinking of my former friend and all the times we shared together.


Yes, sometimes we remember the good times and smooth over the bad ones. Its like when a person is a crappie person all their lives but then they die and all of a sudden they are saints. Wtf? Two days ago you were calling them a Sob and now they are wonderful? Get real just because they are dead doesn’t erase all the bad they did.


I remember a classmate who made my life hell, he was forever calling me names, he was the first to start rumors about me, he tortured me on the bus. I had no idea what I ever did to him but he had it out for me. He was killed in a car crash junior year, everyone was going to his funeral, when they asked if I was going I said no.


They said it was disrespectful that I wasn’t going. I said I wasn’t a hypocrite I didn’t like him when he was alive and just because he’s dead doesn’t change that fact.


Look I was sorry he died, he was young and had his whole life ahead of him but it didn’t change the fact he was a ass.


So I get my cousin, my former friend was a ass to me, she hurt me and yes sometimes I forget all of that when I am remembering the past.


Yes, cuz….I am Tinker bell and I do see the good in people even the “toads”

I will never change, that’s just me.


But I am far from stupid as I will never let her or anyone else who hurt me do it again. Their loss not mine… I am a friend for life, I love with all I am, I have your back, I am your do or die girl… but if you hurt me, we are done.


So today my friends and my dear cousin who I love so very much and who I know has my back without me ever looking.


Know this…I am not going to change, I will still pray for my enemies, I will still keep looking for the good in people, I will still forgive the ones who hurt me and I will still remember the good times and miss what we had even through the pain…that’s just me…


Otherwise the memories of the pain will effect my life in a negative way and I’ve already went down that road so I will continue to  believe in fairy tales, I am going to forever be Tinker bell and not grow up…


“Be the change you want to see”


“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”


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The depths of addiction

Thursday Treadmill Treats


The depths of addiction


Recently I have been thinking a lot about my former best friend. I forgave her for all she did to me for a while now but lately she has been on my mind.


And I can just hear my cousin now saying

“Please, after all she did to you, screw her”

But I realize better than anyone that it was the addiction that made her do all she did.


Although I have never robbed, lied or stole for my addiction, it was pretty bad and I know the way you feel until you to get your next high.


Its like something is taken over your body and all you can think about is the next high.

For me it was to cover up the pain I was feeling and wasn’t dealing with. When I came down all the pain came back so it was easier to get high then to deal with the issues.


There before the grace of God goes I…yes, I could have easily been there, I was going down that path but God…

Somehow in a lucid moment I realized this would kill me if I continued and so I asked for help and pulled myself out of that black hole.


Was it easy? Oh please nothing comes easy! No, it meant I had to deal with the real issues, the ones that drove me to drink and do drugs in the first place.


Yes, addiction takes over your mind, your body, your soul, you do things you never would normally do.


Okay cuz…I hear you…its not an excuse to be a asshole, I get that but if she wasn’t on drugs she wouldn’t be doing these things.


You don’t walk away from your children, you don’t  screw the people you love over, you wouldn’t lie and cheat and steal if you were in your right mind. Drugs make you forget common sense, they make all of your decency go out the window, your mind is going one way… get me to the drug…


You have no heart, you no longer think of others feelings, you no longer care about anything but the high.

It consumes your every waking moment, every thought and when you do come down and the thoughts of the destruction of what you have done come into your mind, all you want to do is get high some more to forget them.


No, none of this is an excuse, we have free will, you chose to start using or to relapse, yes, its a choice.


The more times you relapse the harder it is to start over as you’ve already burnt all your bridges. No one trusts you, no one believes you but that doesn’t mean you cannot change if you truly want to.


Nothing is impossible…but you first must admit you have a problem. You first must take responsibility for your actions, you must ask for forgiveness, you must work the steps.


Again you have to want this, no amount of love, begging or crying from anyone else will do it, you have to do this.

Most times it means hitting rock bottom, it took me to wake up on my drug dealers floor after a 7 day binge with puke stuck to my face to realize this was the bottom for me and this was not where I wanted to go with my life.


I hope one day she will hit the bottom so she will cry out for help, knowing this is not how she wants to live anymore. Yes, I pray for her every day even after all the pain she caused me because I know her struggle and I know the person she is when she is not on drugs.


Now don’t get this twisted, we will never be friends again like we were but that doesn’t mean I can’t pray for her, that I cant hope that she gets the help she needs, be the mom that her children need.

Yes, I will continue to pray and one day maybe she will realize what she is doing with her life.


So today my friends remember you don’t realize what others are going through, they might be living in their own hell…

Addiction is a powerful force that can ruin a person’s life, try to reach out to help someone, get the help if this is you. Anything is possible….change is real, you just have to want it bad enough….


“Be the change you want to see”


“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”


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Living life to the fullest

Hump day Treadmill Treats


Enjoying life to the fullest


For the last 9 days I’ve been on vacation to Antigua where we did practically nothing. Yes, we did the obligatory jet skiing, a jeep ride to the top of the island, a catamaran ride around the islands, snorkeling and a tour of the islands top sites.


It was an amazingly beautiful island, the food was excellent, the people were friendly and the beaches were unbelievable.


But for the most part we chilled, laid by the beach, swam, laughed, drank and took in all of God’s beauty.

We enjoyed each others company and I gave thanks for all he did to make my birthday unforgettable. Bring grateful he is in my life and that we could be sharing this amazing time together.


I am that person that works hard and plays harder but sometimes you need to chill. We don’t get that here, we Americans are constantly on the move, bigger, faster, more money…we want it and we want it now!


In Europe they know how to chill, to sit with friends, to enjoy life. I was amazed when I was there, they live in the moment and that’s what I have been trying to do since my trip there.


Stop thinking about what you need to do, enjoy that coffee with a loved one, leave the laundry on a spur  of the moment trip to the beach with your kids. Drop everything when a friend calls and says they are in town, leave dinner on the stove when a friend asks you to go out. Yes, live in the moment, you don’t know if that friend will be here tomorrow, Hell, you don’t know if you will be here tomorrow, live now!


So yes, I have been blessed with a lot of traveling this year and yes, I jumped at every opportunity as I don’t know when it will come my way again.


I am not dying with any regrets. “Oh I should have done this or that…I wish I would have…”

No! I am sliding into my grave screaming weeeee… what a frigging ride!


I want to live feeling grateful for every moment, for every laugh, for every tear, for everything and everyone in my life. I want to have a giving heart and try to see the best of people no matter how many times I may get hurt.


Yes, I will continue to be Tinker bell believing in fairy tales…say what you want but I am happy, happy with myself, my life and my actions…how many of you can honestly say that?

Without adding….I’d be happy when I get a new job, with a boyfriend, with more money, when I lose weight…insert your excuse here…


No, happy right now, maybe without “things” without a relationship, without anything just happy and grateful for now?


So today my friends remember life is too short, live large, laugh often, love big because you never know when this ride will be over. How do you want to be going with regrets or screaming “What a frigging ride!”

The choice is yours, choose wisely.


“Be the change you want to see”


“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”


***Now available***

My new book The blessing in Disguise

Selling on my website:




And on


My weekly Youtube page, please subscribe:


Twitter: treadmill treats

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