The sheets are coming off Part 2

The sheets are coming off Part 2

Yesterday I wrote about how far we have come in this world or so I thought. We seemed like we were finally getting to a point that we all let each other be who they were meant to be. Gays could get married, transgenders got to be who they were born to be, Blacks, Jews, Muslims and Christians were living together in peace, letting each be who they are.

But the racist didn’t just go away because they rest of us were loving each other. No, they were plotting how to come back stronger than ever. Waiting in the side lines until they could ban together again and start another hate movement.

Well they had just the oppunituny when #45 ran for office. He promoted “Make America great again” which was code for bring back the good old days, the good olde boy’s club with no rights for gays, for people with disabilities, for women or blacks. Making a war on people who were hard working immigrants, that came here to make a better life for their children. They were ready to follow him to put gays back in the closet and blacks on the back of the bus, yet again.

We went from a country that was tolerant to a country that toted rasicm as being okay. When the president of the United States says that skin heads and KKK aren’t bad people we knew we were in trouble.

Little by little all of the rights we have worked so hard for were being erased. Hated and racism has gone wild since then. It’s okay to come out of the closet, dust off that white sheet and show the world who you truly are, the nasty small minded racist you always were, just afraid to show it. Now, it’s okay and so more and more people are doing it.

I can’t tell you how many disturbing videos I have watched on social media where people are out and out racist. Calling the police on law abiding citizens because of their skin color, posting hatred on social media, being out and out dirt bags to other human beings because of their race, religion or sexual preference.

It has made me sick and angry as we need to talk about this, we need to have a voice because if we don’t, we will lose all the rights our ancestors fought so hard for.

We need to say this is not okay, that the United States of America is the place that A. Isn’t any of ours as we stole it
And B. A place of refuge, a place for freedom, a place where people who had a dream to be free could come without prosecution.

This is what we represented for hundreds of years, to millions of people. Hell most of us are immigrants, our parents or grandparents or great grandparents came here from another country.

We are or was the melting pot of the world, we were looked up to, we were the place people dreamed of coming to live. But not anymore, we are a laughing stock to the world, we are no longer the smartest and the richest county in the world, no…we are not even close anymore.

If we sit back and be quiet, we will no longer have a voice. Look at the Holocaust, no one spoke up to Hilter, they followed him like blind mice…(Do you see any correlation?)
Until it was okay to kill Jews because they weren’t “like you”

We let segregation go on so long because we were afriad to speak up.We cannot be silent this time, we must talk about this. We must fight for our rights and even if they aren’t your rights, you should fight anyway as tomorrow they very well might be your rights.

So today my friends remember as they are coming out with their hatred, with their rasicm, sexism and classism, we must take a stand and say this is not okay. We must vote, we must picket, we must talk about it on social media, we can just as we did before change the world.
As I say at the end of every blog Be the change you want to see…
You can do it, we need to put a stop to the sheets that are coming off.

“Be the change you want to see”

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

**Coming soon my latest book:
The blessing in disguise…. revealed**

***Now available***
My book The blessing in Disguise
Selling on my website:

Http:// http://selconstruction.com/ www.treadmilltreats.com

And on Amazon.com

http://www.am6azon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_12?qid=1434452632&sr=8-12&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=the+Blessing+in+Disguise

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The sheets are coming off Part 1

The sheets are coming off

There have always been racism in our world, there has always been sexism, and classism. We think what a women’s role is, that there is such a difference between the have and the have not’s and the big divide between the races. As if just because your a different race or sex that makes one person better than the other.

This attitude was prevalent in the forties and fifties. Men were men, women knew their “places” and blacks had to sit in the back of the busses. You were either from one “side of the tracks” or the other, there was clear racism, sexism and classism.

The Klan was out in full force even though they still didn’t have enough balls to show their faces, we all knew that they were there.

Racism was on television, loud and proud, as well as women being portrayed as air headed, good for nothing, stay at home moms, their roles holding no importance.

But then something changed women starting to fight for equal rights, Rosa Parks refusing to sit on the back of the bus, people starting to segregate into other neighborhoods.

We fought for equal rights, in the late seventies a women even ran for vice President, many people were killed in the segregation movement, we weren’t going to stand for what was okay for hundreds of years, the walls were coming down.

After years of fighting, women had equal rights even if we didn’t get equal pay, we got to make choices about our own bodies. Black people got to see the end of segregation, we were all living and working together, sitting anywhere we damed please on the bus of life.

We shamed the racist back in the closet, as we allowed the gays to come out of theirs. We learned to live together, as one yes, there was still racism but it wasn’t tolerated, you didn’t get to make fun of people with disabilities, there were laws created to make us egual.
And then we had our first women running for president and our first black president, how great was the world…the best person for the job despite skin tone or economic background, we were coming together and I was proud to say I was an American. My gay friends finally got to get married and have legal rights, transgender people got to be who they were born to be, Martin Luther king Jr dream seemed to be coming to pass…Little black children playing with little white children.
You got to chose who you loved based on your hearts not your skin color.

Yes, it was a proud moment to live in this small window of life where we loved and accepted one another.

If you quit, you’ll never know what could have been

If you quit, you’ll never know what could have been

There were many days when I wanted to quit, days when I prayed I wouldn’t wake up. There were days that I so wanted to end all my pain and suffering I was feeling, but didn’t because I couldn’t imagine leaving my girls to be raised by my ex.

I wanted to quit, I really did but something inside, some small hope just the size of a mustard seed kept saying just hold on, just believe, it will get better.

I read books on positive attitude, The Secret, If you believe it, you are it. All of Tony Robbins, Dr. Wayne Dyer, Louise Hayes, you name an author and I have probably read them.
I did everything and anything to put me into a different space. I remember making a vision board and I hung it over my dryer and some days as I folded laundry, I would cry because I hated my life so much.
So I would look at this vision board with all I wanted my new life to be, I would close my eyes and see myself there. There I was strong, independent, there I was surrounded by people, places and things I loved.
In my new life I had peace and happiness, I was fulfilled and worthy.
Standing there imaging all of this would get me through that day. Sometimes it would get me through only that hour but as AA says even if you have to do one minute at a time to get through, you do it.

Yes, to survive I had to do this, just like when I gave up drugs, to survive it sometimes took a minute by minute aprroch to get through.
But that’s okay, whatever works for you do it, just don’t quit.

I had a friend come by last night and as we sat around in my home, I was relaxed, it was comfortable. I wasn’t worried about criticism or the coldness that use to be there in my old life, when I invited someone over.
This space is mine and I am truly happy now and truly grateful as well.

So what would have happened if I would have quit? None of this, none of the blessings that have came or are going to keep coming. None of this life that I so truly love now.
If I gave up, if I quit I would have never known this happiness, this peace, this gratefulness
So today my friends remember don’t quit, go minute by minute if you have to, but don’t quit! Because you’ll never know what could happen.
Life can change in a second.

“Be the change you want to see”

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

**Coming soon my latest book:
The blessing in disguise…. revealed**

***Now available***
My book The blessing in Disguise
Selling on my website:

Http:// follow www.treadmilltreats.com

And on Amazon.com

http://www.am6azon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_12?qid=1434452632&sr=8-12&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=the+Blessing+in+Disguise

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I can, I will, I must…

I can, I will, I must…

Yesterday I watched a YouTube video of a movitional speaker named Eric Thomas.

I love to watch other motivational speakers, to see their style and to hear their messages. Every morning while I am getting ready to go to the gym and on the way there I am watching some motivational video.

Yes, when you want something so bad you study, you learn, you listen because this is what I want to do with the rest of my life, so I am a student.

He is an unlikely motivational speaker as he is so real. He came from the streets, his both parents were drop outs and he was also a drop out. He was also was homeless for years when his mother threw him out as a teenager.

Yes, looking at his life you wouldn’t expect he’d be doing this. That they would be paying him 50,000 to 100,000 for a speaking engagement. That he would be in the worst schools in the nation telling his story for free to our youth, who many of them are enduring the same things he had to go through. Living in crime ridden neighborhoods, in poverty, surrounded by drug dealers, some with parents that dont care, yet here he is, giving them a message to never give up.

He was in your face asking real questions, how bad do you want this? More than your phone? Then your side ho’s? More than sleep? Because your dream has to be bigger than all of that. You have to want it so bad your willing to not sleep, not eat, give up social media, your friends who aren’t going anywhere, this has to be top priority in your life.

I get it when I was writing my book I could write for 12 hours in a row, I would forget to eat, I didn’t want to sleep, all I wanted to do was this passion I had inside. When I wasn’t  writing, I was thinking of writing, this purpose, this passion consumed my life, so yes, I get it.

I sometimes wake up before my alarm at 5 am because I want to write this blog. I cannot wait another moment to write, even if I never made a dollar from this, I would still do it because its my purpose.

Yes, you cant give up, it took him 12 years to get a 4 year degree but he never gave up. He never let go of his dream even when he was sleeping in abandoned buildings, even when it looked impossible to everyone else, he never gave up. He would say
I can, I will, I must… over and over… I can, I will, I must…

Yes, we’ve all been there, we’ve hit rock bottom, our lives broken and we’re hurting. We don’t think we can go on one more day. Hell, you don’t want to go on, its too hard, it hurts to bad, we’ve been doing this too long.

I am no different, read my blogs, I constantly ask when will this be over? When will I do this purpose, that I know I suppose to do, full-time? When will I be able to not work 3 jobs?

But I never give up, I might have a small pity party every now and again but I will never give up, I refuse to give up!

Hello! I survived a verbally abusive marriage for 24 years. I lived in hell everyday, I survived a rape, all the people I loved dying.
I survived drug and alcohol addiction and 2 attempted suicides. I refuse to quit, because I know there is a purpose for my life and it will come, until it gets here I will be saying
“I can, I will, I must”

  So today my friends remember no matter how bad it is, no matter if everyone is saying your too old, not smart enough. If you grew up on the wrong side of the tracks, your too poor, even if you don’t know how it will happen, never give up.
Anything can happen in a day…you could fall in love, you could stop being homeless, you can be a New York Times bestselling author, an international blogger and be on the Women of Faith tour…..

All you have to do, all you have to say over and over again is….
“I can, I will, I must”

“Be the change you want to see”

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

**Coming soon my latest book:
The blessing in disguise…. revealed**

***Now available***
My book The blessing in Disguise
Selling on my website:

Http:// buy propecia cheap online uk www.treadmilltreats.com

And on Amazon.com

http://www.am6azon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_12?qid=1434452632&sr=8-12&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=the+Blessing+in+Disguise

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Praying for the second half of this year.

Praying for the second half of this year

This is the second half of this year..Yes, already…in a blink of an eye 6 months have gone by.
We need to thank God that we are here, that we made it through the first half of this year. We need to realize some people didn’t make it here.

We need to know when God said “I will restore to your the years that was destroyed, what the enemy stole from you” That he meant it, that he is not a man who shall lie.

We need to make this our meme for this half of the year…
I am taking it back…
My joy
My peace
My resources
I am taking back all that was stolen from me.

In the bible it says “You shall eat in plenty and be satisfied and praise his name and never be put to shame again!”
Why is it that we forget God’s promises to us? We just have to believe…simple as that, just believe.

“For I will restore health to you, I will heal you because they have called you an outcast, It is Zion, for whom no one cares”

Sometimes we are wounded by people betraying us, by loved ones.
We are wounded by life, wounded by getting knocked down.
But watch what God does for you…

A big lesson I keep getting over and over is that you need to know not everyone is going on the journey with you. Sometimes you need to go on your own.
You need to erase some people out of your life.
There is some stuff you’ve been carrying that you need to bleach, erase, swipe left, because you are never going back.
Not everyone is going on the whole journey with you. Even Jesus who had twelve disciples, left 9 behind and then left those 3 when he knew this was his journey alone.

We also need to remember that when we pray, we need to pray for all who betrayed us, all that hurt us and all that touched our lives. We can’t just pray for ourselves. This was a hard one for me in the beginning of my faith walk. You want me to pray for my enemy’s? Oh, I’m praying all right, that they get hit by a bus. Seriously? You want me to pray for them?

I learned praying for them is like forgiveness, it is for you and not for them. You are letting go of the anger and hurt in you, you are moving on with your life.
And of course they is a bible verse for this as well.

“Because the Lord restored the fortunes of Job, when he had prayed for his friends. And the Lord gave twice as much as he had before”

Ha! If I pray for my friends and enemy’s he will bless me twice as much and I will be setting myself free at the same time…yeah I can do that.
(Okay, it wasn’t over night but I finally got there, look I am a work in progress, just like you are)

He wants to give us twice as much as before! What an amazing God we serve!
So as we start this second half of the rest of this year, let us all give thanks for all we have.
He woke us up
We have a home
We have food
We have a job
We have family
We all have something to be grateful for, to give thanks for.

So today my friends remember life is what we make of it. We can be bitter, angry and look negative at our lives or we can start not just today but every day giving thanks. We need to be grateful as it could have been another way…for me it was for many years.

This is why I cry, tears of joy, tears of gratitude for where I am today because I may not be where I want to be but I am surly not where I use to be.
Life is short, use your time wisely.

“Be the change you want to see”

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

**Coming soon my latest book:
The blessing in disguise…. revealed**

***Now available***
My book The blessing in Disguise
Selling on my website:

Http:// www.treadmilltreats.com

And on Amazon.com

http://www.am6azon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_12?qid=1434452632&sr=8-12&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=the+Blessing+in+Disguise

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Love people for who they are

Love people for who they are…

Some people look at me and my friends and shake their heads, they can’t imagine the friends I keep company with.

I have friends that are church people, friends that were locked up, friends that were addicts, friends that are not christian, friends that are Black, White, Spanish, a rainbow of colors in my life.

I see what so many people cannot let themselves see past…I see their hearts, I  see their souls…I see the person that so many people may have written off because of the package it comes in.

But I don’t let the package scare me off, because I  feel their love, their huge hearts that other people pass by. I see under that rough exterior, a kind and giving soul, who would be there for you and have your back through thick and thin.

I know what it like to be judged for who you hung out with, for the sins of your past. I still remember the pain of church people years ago, looking down at me when I was trying to get my life together. I know whar it feels like when people who didn’t know me,  past judgement on me based on rumors they heard about me, all through school.

I remember them whispering as they walked by, saying I was a whore while I was actually a virgin.
I remember people saying look how she screwed up her life with drugs, that I would never amount to anything.

Yes, I know this feeling all too well and so I would never do that to another human being.
What you see is not always what you get…

I remember my little one telling me to look at this picture, it was one of a man who looked like a biker dude, tatted up, do rag, leather jacket…tough and  mean, that is what you would have taken away from the photo.

“Mom, he’s a famous cardio doctor who works on premie baby’s hearts, see you would have never guessed that because the world would judge him on the exterior”

Yes, my girls are listening and learning by my example…you never know.

Church people are the worst…Yes, I am going there… they look down their righteous noses at someone like that, someone they don’t deem worthy to be gracing “their church”

Yes, my “church husband” doesn’t look the church part, he looks like where he came from…the streets. If you saw him outside of church, you would cross the street.
Yet when I came to this church every week the usher sat us next to each other. PopI felt his pain, why? Because I was in pain and I knew what pain looked like.

I felt his heart not his exterior, I felt his tears that he never showed, I knew that we were the same, both looking for a better way, trying to change, to be better ….yet all the outside world saw was a thug and a crazy white women in a black church.

Week after week we were seated next to each other and I learned that yes, all I thought about him was true but there was so much more to him, if you were willing to look deeper. He had a deep love for the lord and his family, he’s a poet, a writer with a deep passion for words. He has a huge heart, he’s a big softie with a giving spirit but you would never gotten all of this because your not willing to see past the outside.

My dear friends Gee and Frank, definitely not who you would think of them to be. Frank is this rock and roll, long hair rocker dude yet he is the kindest soul, he is my guardian angel who God brought into my life and yes, he is in a band but not in a metal band like you would think… he’s in a band in his church!

Gee looks like he will stab you if you look at him the wrong way. He is big, full of tats, hat on backwards, looking thug but he was there for me with a helping hand as soon as I moved in, I can call him at 4 am and he will be there, he is a big softie with a deep love and respect for me and girls.

So today my friends, remember you never know what is inside that person, its like when you first get a diamond from a mine, its ugly it doesn’t look like much, most people would throw it away, but when you look deep, when you really see it, polish it up, its a work of art. Its beautiful and valuable yet you would have missed all of that because you were focused on the outside.

Dont miss your chance on having a diamond in your life, you just love people for who they are…It’s as easy as that.

“Be the change you want to see”

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

**Coming soon my latest book:
The blessing in disguise…. revealed**

***Now available***
My book The blessing in Disguise
Selling on my website:

Http://www.treadmilltreats.com

And on Amazon.com

http://www.am6azon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_12?qid=1434452632&sr=8-12&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=the+Blessing+in+Disguise

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Knowing your worth

Knowing your worth

This week I wrote alot about the recent suicides of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain. I wrote about how losing yet another one of my friends and all the pain that it bought back and knowing how close I was to not once but twice taking my own life.

Look life is hard, period.
I don’t know many people that haven’t been through bad times, through losses of loved ones, through life knocking them down. It happens to all of us but it’s how we come through, it’s about what we learn, it’s about knowing our self worth enough to keep fighting.

When you deciede to take your own life, you don’t have self worth. You feel like a failure, like your worthless. You can’t do anything right, nothing will ever go your way because your stupid, because your too fat, too skinny, too poor, not pretty enough.
There are a million reasons why you have in your head, why you are worthless and why no one will miss you or even care that your no longer here.

Yes, it’s that worthless felling that most of the time pushes us over the edge.
We need to know we were all wonderfully made and that we all come here with a purpose.
It’s okay if you can’t find your purpose right now, it took me 40 plus years to find mine, hell it took 70 years for Colonel Sanders to find his. It’s okay, no matter when you find it, but trust me it’s always been inside of you, just waiting for the right time.

You have to know you will go through storms, you will have haters, you will hurt, you will be betrayed, lied to, cheated on, your heart will break over and over again.

But you must hold on to your self worth, you must know what you are made of and made for.
These are just lessons you need to learn to move on to the next level of learning.
You can’t grow if your not willing to learn. And you can’t grow unless your buried underground, in the dark, feeling like it’s over and you can’t breathe.

Yes, when you are planted, you think it’s over but if you hold on, if you keep the faith, keep the fight, sooner or later you will reach the top. You will see the sun and with the sun and the tears, you too will bloom like the beautiful flowers you see in the spring.
All winter they froze, they are in the dark, they might have felt hopeless but they hung on and look at them now…the most beautiful things you have ever seen.

That my friends are you, you are just waiting to bloom, you just need to know what kind of spectacular flower you will be. You need to know what God or whoever you believe in, made you to be.

Don’t give up, trust me when I tell you he has bigger plans than you can ever dream of. Know your self worth, stand tall, fight the good fight. You will get through this, ask for help if you need to, talk to someone, admitting you have a problem doesn’t make you weak, it shows your strenght.
It shows you know your self worth enough to treasure it, to protect it.
Never give up, never stop knowing your worth.

“Be the change you want to see”

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

**Coming soon my latest book:
The blessing in disguise…. revealed**

***Now available***
My book The blessing in Disguise
Selling on my website:

Http://www.treadmilltreats.com

And on Amazon.com

http://www.am6azon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_12?qid=1434452632&sr=8-12&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=the+Blessing+in+Disguise

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60% of people lie on social media

60% of people lie on social media

This week I have talked alot about sucicde and how sometimes we don’t see it coming because no one talks about the issues of their lives. We looked at Robin Williams. Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain and think they had perfect lives and yet they all took their own lives.

They were in pain and they never spoke of it, see we only see what people want us to see and most of it is lies.

I just read an article that said 60% of people lie on social media…Yes…60%
I was shocked, I figured yes, some people lie but 60%? That is a lot of bullshit out there.

Sure on social media you can be richer, you can elude to having a bigger house, to having the perfect family, to being extremely happy.

I know when it comes to dating there is alot of lying going on there. The statistics are definitely higher there and I’ll bet they didn’t include that in their count, I can tell you that for sure.

In dating they lie about their age, their weight, their height, their hair. Being in shape for some of them means, like a round shape. Working out means getting up and down from the couch to the fridge for more beer.
And then there’s the pictures from 10 years ago or just head shots…please, let me not go there!

Yes, I know for a fact more than 60% lie on the dating sites. That must have been another survey, all in its self.

Look, I know all about lying on social media, I was one of those people. I put up pictures of my “happy” family, ohhh look here we are with all our toys…how sweet, look at all our stuff. Look at our fancy vacations, to this perfect place or that amazing place…ohhh.. aren’t we the just the perfect family?

When in reality my life was a frigging mess, I hated him, he was horrible, the kids were afraid of him and I cried every night in a bath with wine and sleeping pills. Please I needed to get the Oscar for my performance…Yes, I was definitely one of the 60%.

So why did I lie? I had a big ego, I didn’t want anyone to know how bad I screwed up, how I picked yet another bad one. How I moved 1500 miles, leaving everything for a man I knew nothing about. I liked the big life, showing off…look at what I got. See, I wasn’t going to be stuck in that hick town with nothing, I had something to prove, or so I thought.

But as we grow and learn, we realize that the truth will set you free…well at least apparently I did, just not quite the other 60%.

Its so much better not to lie, to live real, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.
I am no longer worried about the skeletons in my closet, I let them out, there is nothing to hide and that is an amazing feeling.

Like me or not, I don’t really care, you do not pay my bills.
Yes, I screwed up more times than I have fingers and toes…okay?
Yes, I’ve fell on my face in front of the whole world…so?
Yes, I’ve picked the losers time and time again…and your point is??

Look we’ve all been, there done that and your lying if you say no. I chose to out my own stuff, to learn from it and to hopefully teach others lessons.

I lived in the shadows, in the dark, worrying about people finding out my truth for too long and that will never happen again!

So today my friends ask yourself are you part of the 60%?
and if your truthful (Even just to yourself )
and you are, ask yourself why?

What are you afraid of?
So what if people knew?  Are they going to leave? If they do then they weren’t ever really there for you to begin with.

What you’ll lose face? So what in 2 months no one will remember or care.
Your real life isn’t as great as your social media life?
Obviously neither is 60% of people, so your not alone.

Let it go, live in your real life, let the skeletons out…it doesn’t have to be Halloween to do so.

Free yourself, learn from your mistakes, help others come out of their closets, except others for their truths. It will blow your mind how freeing it is…don’t be one of the 60% of people lying on social media.

“Be the change you want to see”

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

**Coming soon my latest book:
The blessing in disguise…. revealed**

***Now available***
My book The blessing in Disguise
Selling on my website:

Home

And on Amazon.com

http://www.am6azon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_12?qid=1434452632&sr=8-12&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=the+Blessing+in+Disguise

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I know suicide first hand

I know suicide first hand

These last two weeks have been hard on me. As I heard the news of two stars who took their own lives and I lost a friend of mine. It brought back alot of memories and made me think alot.

So as I sat in church on Sunday, I cried yet again. My Pastor was taking about the suicide of Kate Spade and Anthony Bordain and how when he was eleven he tried to kill himself. I cried because I’ve been there and the only reason I was sitting here today was because of my dear friend who God brought into my life to lead me back to him and this very church. And here I am 6 years later sitting next to her, still grateful for what she did for me, what God did for me.

The day after my attempted suicide when I fell in my knees and prayed to a God I no longer believed was in my life.  When I gave it all over to him as I had no other place to turn to, when I begged for help because I was hopeless. I walked into work and God put this women into my life to lead me back. She invited me to her church and when I went to church with her it was as if God had spoke through this man of God to me.

God had a plan for me, he was not done with me, even if I was done with myself.
See thoughts of suicide can effect all of us, any of us. We had too much pain, we can’t see the sun as there have been too many storms. We feel unloved, hopeless, broken, nothing is going right, nothing we do is ever good enough.

It’s too hard to keep fighting, to keep getting up, this is the last straw.Yes, we’ve all been there. Some of us get over it and some just don’t have that fight left. We don’t know what was going on with Robin, Kate or Anthony, we don’t know what pushed them over the edge.

We saw what they wanted us to see just like we all do, we live in this Facebook land of everything is okay, my life is great when in actuality we are a hot mess!
We don’t talk about it, we shove it deeper down and keep smiling until we are so broken there seems to only be one way out.

My little one asked me yesterday why I put my business out there to everyone. For me it’s easy, I want to help others. I look at Oprah’s story, Jim Carey, Les Brown, Tony Robbins and Steve Harvey’s stories and I see that they were poor, homeless, abused,  broken and yet they did it, they made it, even when everyone said they wouldn’t. I see their stories as hope and that’s what I want to give people, hope, that if I can do it, you can do it too.

I want whoever is out there reading my blogs to say “Wow, look at all she’s been through, yet through it all she keeps fighting, I can do it, I can make it”

I want to be an inspiration to others like these people were to me. This is why I am so honest, so raw about my life, believe me it’s not easy writing yet again that I picked the 3rd loser in a row or that my kids aren’t perfect. Or that even though I go to church twice a week I am still so far from perfect. I’d be lying and I have lied for too many years and I refuse to live there anymore.

So here I am open to criticism, to the haters, to being totally vulnerable so that I may help others. Laugh at me, talk about me, it’s all good if I can help one person out there just barely holding on.

So today my friends remember you never know what someone is going through, those who laugh the most, help the most are sometimes the one’s who are hurting the worst.
This should be a vessel to open up the discussion of mental health, of being real and of talking about your hurts. Let their lives not be in vain, talk to someone, a pastor, a counselor or the Suicide Prevention hotline.

Reach out because at one time or another we have all been there and know suicide first hand.

“Be the change you want to see”

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

**Coming soon my latest book:
The blessing in disguise…. revealed**

***Now available***
My book The blessing in Disguise
Selling on my website:

Home

And on Amazon.com

http://www.am6azon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_12?qid=1434452632&sr=8-12&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=the+Blessing+in+Disguise

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The loss of a friend

The loss of a friend

This past weekend I had to  again say goodbye to another friend of mine. Another soul that was way too young, that was called home.

Sometimes you just think why God why? They were in the prime of their lives, they had children, families that needed them, why?

There are no answers that will make you feel better, no answers that will bring them back. This is just an ugly fact of life we all must live with.
I have lost many, many people I have loved in my life, at one point I thought I was cursed that so many people I loved died.

I’ve learned that we are not promised anything while we are here on this earth. We could be here a month, 10 years, or 100 years. We don’t get to pick the length, that is up to God.

We just need to know that God (or whoever is your higher power) has a plan for us while we are here. We have a purpose, we have a life that we need to make the most of.

We need to be grateful, we need to fulfill our calling, to help others, to be present in each moment, to live our lives to the fullest.
We need to stop complaining and stop whining about what we don’t have, where we aren’t at yet.

Do you think my friend I lost this weekend or my best friend I lost last year around this same time thought, “I should have checked social media more or I should have hung out with friends more?”

Do you think they said “Wow I should have stayed home and washed those clothes or I should have went to the beach when my kids asked me?”

Yes, things that seem so important aren’t when you look at the big picture, when you are counting the minutes you have left.

We would make totally different choices if we knew it would be our last day here. We would laugh more, take more time to stop and literally smell the roses, we would do what we love with who we love.

We wouldn’t be afraid to tell people how we truly feel because we aren’t  guaranteed to have another chance to do so.
Yes, we all would be living a different life if we knew our time was closing in on us.

But it is, time is closing in on us, we aren’t going to live forever. We don’t know if today is our last day, tomorrow or next week, so if we know that why aren’t we living our lives to the fullest? Because we think we have plenty of time, soon, next week, next year, when I meet someone, when I get that promotion,  when I lose that 20 pounds…
So many excuses, so much wasted time…

I always look for a lesson in my pain and what I have learned in losing so many loved ones is that I don’t take a second for granted. I tell the people I love that I love them every day, every time I speak to them. I tell them I am proud of them, that they are special, I stop what I am doing to spend time with them. I live in the moment, I leave the laundry and the dishes to be with them.

I’ve learned that time is precious and I want to make the most of every second I am giving. I want to go home with no regrets, I want to go home empty because I gave it my all. I want people to say when they put me to rest that she live her life large!
But most of all I want to hear God tell me “Well done my child, well done”

So as I said goodbye to another beautiful soul who I was blessed to have in my life, I know it’s not the last time I will see her. I know she is in a better place, that she is not suffering anymore, that she is home just waiting for me and her other loved ones.This picture gives me peace and help me here to cope with another loss.

Demetria Willliams you will be missed by so many people, but we know you will be smiling down on all of us still here.

“Be the change you want to see”

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

**Coming soon my latest book:
The blessing in disguise…. revealed**

***Now available***
My book The blessing in Disguise
Selling on my website:

Home

And on Amazon.com

http://www.am6azon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_12?qid=1434452632&sr=8-12&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=the+Blessing+in+Disguise

My weekly Youtube page, please subscribe:

Twitter: treadmill treats
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#Theblessingindisguise
#TheblessinginDisguiserevealed
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