Hello, I am waiting

http://readingandspelling.com/wp-json/oembed/1.0/embed?url=http://readingandspelling.com/educational-therapy/ Hello! I am waiting….. yes we are all waiting on something and sometimes it seems like we have been waiting forever. We live in a drive through society, we want it now, fast, we feel like we are owed, come on, lets go, is our favorite saying. 

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http://ohmsnotbombs.net/happenings/free-parties/channel-parties/channel-1/p1020879 Sometimes because of our impatients, we jump into things that is not always so great for us. This is big when it comes to relationships, we want a wife , a husband or boyfriend or girlfriend that we can’t wait, we don’t listen to the inner voice, no we want it now! So we take the first one that comes around because we are afraid that if we don’t we will be alone and hey someone is better than no one right?


No!! Sometimes there is a reason, maybe you need to grow, maybe at this point of your life you need to be free to explore things you want to do and see, maybe just maybe, you need to learn a lesson that its better to be alone then to be with someone who makes you feel lonely. 


Maybe your waiting on your big break, you worked hard, you know that this is your purpose, you know you are good at what you do, yet come on when is this coming? You keep thinking.


 (Okay this part may be for me, hello I am human after all!) 


But maybe you are not ready yet, maybe God is lining up things on your behalf  and when your break comes you will be ready.

(like my recent public speaking engagements, two in the last two months!I am getting prepared to inspire thousands, millions of people, so I have to start small )


Do I have any doubt that this blog will be an international hit or that my book will be a New York Times bestseller  ( Hell, my spell check automatically types New York Times, I have put it out there so many times)


That I will be speaking to thousands of people? Hell, no I know its coming, just as I knew and put it out there that I was going to leave my marriage,that I would be able to support myself, that I was going to get the home I live in, that my life would be filled with peace and joy.


I had a vision, I had a dream, I envisioned it, I had a vision board, I ate this, breathe this and guess what?

 I got it, so do I not believe this will happen again, oh I am betting the house that it will. I have big faith, I have big dreams now I need big patients!


Yes, I like you want it now, come on when is it coming? But I know all good things come to those who wait, faith without works is dead, all in your season… I can go on and on and guess what? sometimes I do it to reinforce it in my head, that yes, its coming, just enjoy this moment, live in this second and have faith that it will come when you are ready , truly ready.






Do you want peace in your life?

Every one  is always talking about finding peace in their lives,  is there is chaos in  your life? Is there is always so much drama around you? you never get a minutes peace and you wonder why is life doing this to you?


Is this you? Are you thinking you will never have peace?


I have to tell you and you might like this, but I am not Willy Wonker, I do not sugar coat things! Stand up and be accountable for your life, peace is a choice , you choose to have peace in your life!


Simple huh? Yes, you choose to have peace, Its up you.


I write a lot about choices because that is what life is about! Yes, things will get thrown at you, life is not always going to be a bed of roses! Get over it,it is what it is! 


But its about how you chose (there is that word again ) to deal with it,that will make or break you.


I write every day, I write about my story, about what got me to where I am today.


It was my choice, to give my life to God, because I was broken and hurting, I was lost and dying inside, I chose to believe I could do it, even when everyone including my own mother said I would never make it on my own.


I chose to be happy, I chose to be positive every day, I chose to have peace and joy in my heart. 


How do I do this? I let go and I gave it all to God, I can’t do this on my own, look what a mess I made of my life without him.


I chose to pray and let God worry, nothing changes when you worry, nothing! So why do it then? I no longer worry about anything!


I chose to be grateful each and every day, even when things are falling apart around me, even in the face of the storm, I know he is there for me, I know I will be alright. This is a test, to see how great my faith is, to teach me a lesson, but no matter what I know it will get better.


The bible talks about seasons, we all have seasons in our life, we have wonderful seasons and yes,we will have hard seasons we will have to endure but its up to us to hold on to our faith, to keep praising and keep thanking him for what we do have.


I chose to live, to give him all the glory with all that I am because I know I will be alright.


I chose not to complain about what I don’t have and give thanks for what I do.


Oh, here’s a big one that most people can’t or won’t do I chose to change, change me, change bad habits, change my surroundings, even change the people in my life if that is necessary to make my life more peaceful. 


Sometimes change is tough but without change you will not get to your gaols, your dreams and your peace.


So today you say you want a peaceful life? Here are the steps to help you get there, now it is your choice to do something about it.

Remember chose wisely because you only have one shot and life is way too short!



Haters beware!

There are all kinds of people out there that are haters, they might not even know you but believe me they are hating on you just the same.


See when you are full of light and goodness there will be plenty of haters trying to suck that goodness from you.


People can’t imagine how you are so peaceful, how you have such joy in your heart, how can she still believe when everything is tumbling down around her?


And when they see great things happening in your life and they think you are lucky, hum… why can’t I be that lucky they say, why do they get that ? Be able to do that? I am better, smarter, prettier than they are, it should be me! They say.


They see all that you have and they think they deserve it more than you and they hate you for it.


What they fail to understand is that light, that goodness can not be bought, that comes from within, you know you are not lucky, no, you know you are blessed. 


You know this journey is not about you and what you can get, its about others and how you can be a blessing to others with the gifts God gave you.


You look for the good in people , even when others see none, you find a good heart. You give of yourself to help people, this is your purpose.  


You never compare yourself with others as you know that behind every smile is a heartbreaking story and truth be told if you heard their story, you would be happy for the life you have.


You know that good will always triumph over evil, that in the end your good deeds will pay off when their hatred will eat them up inside.


You know that material things do not make you happy, that true happiness must come from within. 


And you know that what ever box you are wrapped in, whatever facade you are trying to present to the world, that if you have hatred, jealousy and envy in your soul, that is what eventually shines through, just as your goodness shines through their evil heart will be revealed.


Do not worry about haters, my friends because haters make you better , haters make you stronger, they might tear you down for a second, but you will prevail in the end as God has given you this gift for a reason, remember no weapon formed against you shall prosper. 


Yes, you are the chosen one, you will overcome.





I go back…

There’s a song called I go back by Kenny Cheney, its about how when he hears a song he goes back in time and remembers a time when he was growing up and his first love and all the fun he had during those summers.


I know sometimes when I hear a certain song I am right back in that spot, I am having my first kiss with my first love listening to Barry Mantilow’s Weekend in England, I can feel the breeze blowing, I can remember the smell of the lilac trees, I remember sitting outside his house, I remember the chair we were sitting in, I remember how he softly touched my face and then he kissed my lips and I thought I would die, I remembered how much I was in love with him and how I thought that this love would last forever.


It’s amazing that one song could take you back 30 years and put you right in that spot. 


Sometimes, that same song is not always such a great thing, sometimes it makes you relive painful memories of how even after all these years you still feel the same way for that person, even when you know better.


Even when you know you can’t be together, that nothing changes when nothing changes, yet your heart doesn’t get the message, you hear that song and you are back, you can’t breathe, you still get butterflies and yes you still think what if?


You call your friends because you want them to bring you back to reality but your heart aches for this person, you know its better this way, but…. you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is and will always be your soul mate.


That even when you run into him, even after thirty years, there is still a connection, that everyone can see and feel. Yet..This is not to be, at least not in this lifetime anyways.


So you go on with your life, you try to forget, you meet others, yet he still has that imprint on your heart and as hard as you try to erase it, it is still there and those days when you think you are doing okay, Bam!here comes that song, that memory and it’s all over, you are back there again.


It hurts so bad, your heart feels like its bleeding, you know he’s a great guy, good heart, he’s never chested, never lied it was just circumstances that have torn you apart and you still ache for him, you still wonder why?


Yet this is how it is and you have to go on with your life, but you know it doesn’t matter how many years will pass, you know that you will be eighty and when you hear that song you will go back….





Let’s talk about sex baby…

There’s a song that says let’s talk about sex baby but if that’s all you got in your relationship you’re sadly mistaken to think you even have a relationship.


Yes,it’s a great part of a relationship but it’s not the end all to be all, if you can’t talk, it you have no trust, if the other person is putting you down, belittling you, if you have nothing else but sex, then you’re fooling yourself.


Yet I’ve seen people stay in horrible relationships because of this one thing… really?? You are miserable but hey you have great sex? 


Are you worried that you will never have great sex again? Or that no one else will love you? Are you afraid of being alone?

Why are you there?


Yes we all stay for stupid reasons , well to us they are not stupid, we justify them, they make sense to us.


For years my friends told me to leave my ex husband, and let me tell you the sex wasn’t even all that and I still stayed, I knew it was bad, I was miserable yet I was still there.


Why? I didn’t know my own worth, I didn’t think I could make it, I didn’t love myself to expect better so I stayed and no matter how many times people tried to talk sense into me, I wasn’t hearing it.


So my friend, know your worth, know you are a good and kind person, know that you have a good heart, know that even without a relationship you are still whole.

Know that you are loved for you and not for things you have or don’t have, loved in spite of past mistakes, loved because we know the true you.


If you want to change, you can, I am the biggest advocate of change, but you must want this, you must take the first step to make yourself truly happy from the inside out.


I have learned that a lot of the things that used to make me “happy” were like band aids covering up and masking my pain and hurt, I learned that I am good without all of the stuff, without filling myself up with drugs, liquor and men, fancy pocketbooks or expensive shoes. I learned I have joy in my heart and that is priceless and trust me when you find it my friend, nothing will compare not even great sex.


So the next time you say your staying because …. fill in the blanks ask yourself are you truly happy? Do you have peace and joy in your heart? If the answer is no its time to move on and find it in yourself before you try to fill it with sex or another person.





The definition of insanity

What is the definition of insanity?  It is when you keep doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. Why do we do that? Why do we keep trying to do things over and over expecting different results? We want it to be different, we will it to be different, we pray for it to be different, yet tine and time again the results are the same!


We stay in the same relationship for years after years hoping that he wont cheat or lie again yet there he goes with another excuse of why he strayed again and you take him back.

We let our spouse physically and verbally abuse us, they cry and say they are sorry, that they will never do it again and then next month you are crying yet again from the words that cut you to the core.

The drunk that lives with you, the pill popper that swears in a drunken haze that this will be the last time you will cleaning the puke off their faces and the next week you are there doing just that.

Yet, ever promise, every tear, you believe that things will change,  it will be better and each time you seem like the star of the movie Groundhogs day, where he wakes up every day re playing the same day over and over, except this is not a movie, this is your life!!

You need to take a step of faith, you never to know its never going to change, if it hasn’t by now it never will!

Don’t get me wrong I am a big believer in change, that people can change, that you should have forgiveness, that everyone deserves  second chance, yes I do believe that but I also believe in cutting your loses, running when its beneficial to your health and well being.

I promote self wellness, not fairytales again people I am not here to sugar coat things,  if you want that, watch Willy Wonka,  I’m not him!

Be real, open your eyes, listen to your inner voice, the one you try to quiet , to justify by your excuses, the one that is screaming get out, not true, their lying!

That one, listen that voice it  knows the truth, even if you are wearing your rose colored glasses, that voice sees it all!

So stop the insanity today! Get off this crazy ride you are on , stop doing the same things expecting different results, its unbelievable what change can do to your life, I am a living witness to that, Hell if I can do it, you’ll have no problem. “Be the change you want to see”

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Does it make you feel better to speak to others like that?

I’ve noticed through out of my life that some people need to put others down in order to make themselves feel good or at least that’s the way I see it, why else would you do something like that to another human being that has feelings.


 It’s beyond my comprehension, we are all people, we all have feelings, we all screw up, there is no need for another human being to ever be little or put down another person unless they’re trying to make himself look and feel better.


I remember my cousin always putting down her little sister and I, she always had to tell everyone how much smarter she was than us, how she spoke better and acted like she was always superior to us.


My ex constantly put me down, I could never do anything right, I could never make it without him, I was useless and he took every opportunity to tell me these things and plenty of others I couldnt write on here.


He was smarter, worked harder, no one could do it as well as he could, and it wasn’t just me, no his mother , brother and sister felt his cutting tongue as well.


I have a friend, he is a great guy except he feels like he needs to let everyone know that he has risen up from a poor past to have a doctrine and many letters behind his name.


Hey, that’s great but just because you spent a hundred thousand dollars on education doesn’t make you better than any one else, smarter? Yes better Not a chance! Education doesn’t buy you sensitivity. 


He has a great bunch of installers working for him, they are sweet, kind and hard working, no they don’t have degrees but they can craft things with their hands that would blow your mind.


He had told them in front of everyone that a monkey could do their job, that they are morons, jackass’s, idiots.

They will work 6 days a week,10 hours a day for him, the clients love then and they are committed to making this company work, yet he speaks to them like this.


Why? Why do people do this? What do they get out of it? What do they feel they are lacking deep down that you must treat another like this?


My life’s journey is to build someone up, to tell them they can do it, that nothing is impossible if you want it.


Every day I write to try to inspire others, I think no matter what you’ve done, you can change, that everyone has good inside of them, that I will always feel this way, yes I will get hurt , yes people might think I live in la la land but its okay, this is who I am, who I chose to be.


So the next time you open your mouth up to cut someone else down, think about how you would feel on the receiving end, how your feelings would hurt and how eventually everyone you love and everyone in your life WILL walk away.


 Remember karma is always watching!








Incredible blessings

In the last year I have seen so many blessings happen that it has made my head spin.

The first of many blessings is when after looking for a job for eight months, I decided to open up my own business, just as I was getting it off the ground, I get a job offer, a really incredible job offer and so against all the signs that I was showed, I took it knowing it wasn’t were I was suppose to be.


Well… they let me go after one day, one day! They said they didn’t have the time to train me?? I went home and cried really now what? But God had plans for me because the very next day my phone started to ring with clients for my business and I was off and running. 


The second blessing was when I was getting divorced and I knew I was getting alimony,  I deserved it, I prayed about it and yet I got nothing! I was shocked, I walked outside and I get a email that i had a contract for my business, yes that new business I had just started , I had just sold it…. unbelievable!


I got a townhouse that was just like the one I was dreaming about, right in the neighborhood I wanted to live in.


and yesterday my friend called to tell me that he was blessed with a business, someone he knew gave him their business, just like that! They wanted to bless someone else and he was it, they weren’t friends, they just knew each other from church. 


Your all thinking, yea right! Come on!

But I can’t make this up, these were unbelievable things that happened, yes there are all kinds of blessings out there, unexplainable and  incredible blessings. 


One of my Bishops favorite story is that God had told him to buy the Sunrise Musical Theater, now he was just starting out in a little church with not much money.


 The county was selling this building and land for 11 million dollars, he was lucky he had 11 thousand dollars, yet he listened an went to them and made a offer, three times they turned him down, three times God told him to go back.


He was thinking, why I don’t have the money this is a waste of time, well wouldn’t you know the forth time they accepted his offer and now he’s thinking now what? But yup you guessed it, God came through somehow he got 11 million dollars and the rest is history.


 It is now home to The Faith Center and has grown from a store front to a church of 10,000 members. 


When I write about faith and blessings, I am writing from experience, when I tell you anything is possible, I know that is true, when I say believe, its because I look down at my foot everyday and see my tattoo that says it and I know I can believe in miracles.


Open your mind, open your heart,know that no dream is too big or too unattainable as long as you have faith.






Reconnecting with loved ones

Some times things happens, time changes, people move away, lives change and some how you lose touch with people you love.


 Over the years you think of them often, wondering where they are and how they are doing, wishing you could reconnect with them.


We are blessed to live in this age of technology where we can at a touch of a button look up people we have been thinking of.


I have always been blessed with alot of friends and all during my marriage I was cut off from almost all of them, when I got separated I got on Facebook and started to look them up and was so thrilled to find so many wonderful friends I had growing up.


I even found my first best friend,Mary who moved away when we were twelve,for all those years I searched for her, who knew she moved to the next town over and here 35 years later, I find her cousin on Facebook and we reconnect, it was incredible,we talk every week now!


But one of the best reconnection was with my cousin Carol, she was five years younger than me, she was my shadow, I was an only child and when she came along, she became my little sister I never had.


I taught her to ride a bike, to swim, to stand up and be tough. 

We would sing into our hair brushes while listening to Captain and Tenille and Barry Mantalow ( you are all laughing now because you remember doing the same thing and are too embarrassed to say it!)


My friends would say why is she here? I said cause she’s my sister , she was part of my crew like it or not, I didn’t have to bring her, I wanted to bring her with me.


We would sit up late into the night, telling each other our dreams, our fears,  our goal . We told each other our secrets, we cried in each others arms. We stuck up for each , got beatings for each other, we never would rat the other out, I even got arrested for picking her up after she ran away to another state.

I would do anything for this girl, she was my life, my blood, my little sister. 


She had a sister that was my age, but she never appreciated her, she was jealous and mean spirited and was constantly trying to get her in trouble. 


We were peanut butter and jelly, peas and rice, we were spaghetti and meatballs, we went together, we were a pair. 


She had a rough life and when she was 17, she met this boy, she thought this would be her ticket out, she married him, had a baby and moved to his country, leaving her family, her friends and me behind.


The miles and some misunderstandings made the years fly by, I kept looking for her, I Google her, I searched Facebook, I asked everyone I knew she knew. 

Your thinking why didn’t you just call her sister, duh! I did but as I said she was a bitter, petty person then and had not changed, she wouldn’t give me any information. 


When my marriage was falling apart and my mother passed away, I was in a state of depression, that is when you know your God is good because my phone rang and yup it was her!


You couldn’t imagine my joy to have found her again, even all those years felt like minutes, it was as if we talked yesterday. We have talked every week since. 


It feels like part of my heart has been returned to me, I am whole again, I have my best friend, my little sister back, I cannot tell you how grateful I am.


Don’t ever give up hope, keep looking, keep searching for that person that holds a part of your heart, it is so worth it!


Reconnect today!







Knowing your purpose

It is not hard to find out your purpose, You must push past the obstacles in life to find out your purpose and to live it out.


Are you asking is this all there is to life? There has to be more then this?

Why am I here?


You need to find your purpose, to find what you love and when you do,it will fill your soul.


 I know a lot of people think that everything will fall into place when you are a Christian, you will automatically know your purpose then.


That all will be perfect, let me tell you being a Christian is not easy, just because you turn over your life to God doesn’t mean your life will be without issues.


 but when you know your in the will of God,when you have strong faith, even in your trials you are still in your purpose, even though your purpose will attract a lot of distraction, you still are on course. 


Why aren’t you living out your purpose? It is because you are afraid , criticism and opposition?


The failures that you have are lessons you need to learn, don’t be afraid, we have all failed, but its what we learned and how it makes us smarter and tougher than before.


When troubles come your way, consider it a opportunity for great joy, for you know your faith is tested your endurance has a chance to grow.


I remember when things were perfect, when I had gotten divorced, I was filled with peace and joy, I was strong in my faith, knowing my purpose and my God, when yet again the rug was ripped out from under me.


I didn’t let it get me down, in the mist of my pain, I prayed, I was grateful,  I knew that God was there for me and I knew that this was just a lesson I needed to learn.


So let it your faith grow, for when your endurance is fully developed you will be perfect and complete. 


Don’t be afraid that people will talk about you, whether its true or not.


I put my whole life out there for the world to judge, I know people will say some horrible things about me and have right on my blog page, but I know this is my purpose and I will continue to do this, so go ahead and talk.


Walk with your head held high, this is your purpose, this is your faith walk , mot anyone else’s.


To fulfill your purpose in life you must believe, that’s it! It’s that simple, believe that it is the will of God, believe that you will follow and believe in your heart that this is your gift, God has chosen you to give it to, nurture it, care for it, make it the best gift you have ever received because it is!


When I write, I am lost, I can write for hours, I don’t need food, I don’t hear whats going on around me, I am in my zone, this is my purpose, it doesn’t feel like work, it flows, it is my calling.


When you realize that and you do all of that, you will know you are walking in your purpose, you will have a sense of peace and joy like you have never felt before. 


So today reach down deep, find what you do best with the least amount of effort, that my friend is your purpose,  now go after it! Live your life with purpose!