28 Jul Healing past pains

Healing past pains

So, if we are honest with ourselves we all have past pains. Something that has hurt us so deeply that we still have triggers from them.

If you’ve been in an abusive relationship these triggers are off the charts.

People in an abusive relationship suffer from PTSD. Who knew? I certainly didn’t, I thought that was something people in the service get, people who were in the war not from a screwed up relationship.

And I was shocked to hear that was my diagnosis from my therapist. She taught me I had triggers and that I needed to learn how to deal with them. 

What jumping off the deep end wasn’t a good coping mechanism? I guess not. I have a tendency to go right into my New Yorkism, smart mouth and nasty. Nah, you’re not going to hurt me, watch this, hold my earrings! 

For all of you New Yorkers, you’ll get that one. 

But I’ve learned I must step back and breathe. I must hold my tongue and wait before I bust a move on someone.

This is extremely hard for me as I am quick to go to the worst case scenario. I run things over and over in my head and still blame myself or expect others to have the same heart as me.

I have gotten better but I am human and yes, occasionally it comes back and runs me over like a bus.

I realized that we are all works in progress. We are all human and as much as we try, occasionally we will fall back down the rabbit hole. We need to address when that happens,  acknowledge it, to see why we did it and try to fix it for the next time.

Having a person that you’re accountable to helps. I have my girlfriend that I speak to every morning. She keeps me grounded, she talks me off the ledge, she understands addict behaviors as she is one herself. She’ll slap me in the head if needed and she makes sure she’s real as shit with me, whether I want to hear it or not.

I think we all need to hear the truth when we need help and can’t see it or don’t want to admit it. 

So today my friends remember we all have past pain. We have all been hurt in one way or another. I would imagine that many of us have triggers that come from past traumas in our life. But we have to know that we are all a work in progress. We are all students to the day we die if we chose to be and we all need to work on our past hurts.

“Be the change you want to see”

@TreadmillTreats