11 Aug The anniversary of my freedom

The anniversary of my freedom

Yesterday was the 9 year anniversary of my freedom and the funny thing is, I didn’t even realize the date. I was on Facebook, when my remember when came up. Gotta love Facebook’s remember when, otherwise we’d never remember anything.

I laughed as I didn’t even know or remember the date, I honestly thought it was sometime in September. I probably should have it burnt into my head as this was the date of my freedom. It was as if you’ve been let out of prison after 24 years, something you never forgot.

But here’s the thing, I don’t think about it because I’ve moved on. I made a wonderful, fulfilling life for myself. I am grateful every single day that I am free. For me every day is the anniversary of my freedom. Seriously, at least twice a week on the way home from the gym watching the sunrise, I get so overwhelmed that I literally cry.

I feel especially grateful as  next week I get to go home and spend 10 days with my friends and family. These are the moments I now live for, being able to do as I please. I am grateful I am no longer in a verbally abusive marriage. I am grateful for this amazing life I have now, a life I almost gave up on, a life I wanted to end.

This life I am now living, a life that I envisioned and fought for, a life that is sometimes is hard as hell but that I wouldn’t give up for anything in this world. I found my self worth through this process, I found that I loved myself once again. I learned that I need to be me, like me or not, it doesn’t matter because I’m still gotta be me.

I lived too many years trying to be someone I wasn’t, trying to please someone who would never be happy anyway and now I no longer have to do that. I have to live my true life, be my true self. I found out that I had strength I thought I lost, and I found it through my faith in God.

I found my voice and am blessed to be able to be a voice for others who have none. I found my purpose in writing and being able to expose the lies I was living. To show others it’s okay, that it may not be perfect, but that it will get better, if you keep believing and never give up.

I sometimes look back and think about how far I’ve come. I think about the many nights I cried in my bath with my wine and pills,  wishing it would be over, praying for the strength to leave or to die. I think about how every night as I went to sleep I would envision the life that I wanted, even down to what my home would look like. A home where I was free, a home filled with peace and love, with laughter and friends and family. I envisioned traveling, I saw everything in my mind as if it was. I envisioned all of this, this life I now have and I am here to tell you that you can have it too!

This is why I went through all I’ve been through so that I can be here for you, the ones who are still crying in their tubs, for the ones who hate their lives and can’t see a way out. For the ones beaten down, feeling like they lost themselves. This is what my freedom means to me, it means I can give encouragement to others, to say if I did it, so can you. It can and will happen, just don’t give up.

So today my friends, remember this is not just my anniversary, I want it to be your anniversary as well. An anniversary of leaving the things or people that no longer work for you. The anniversary of a new you, a stronger you, a you that loves yourself enough to know your self worth and to demand respect. You can do this, hell, I did it and I am no different than you.

So let’s all make this the anniversary of our freedom.

“Be the change you want to see”

@TreadmillTreats