16 Feb Self love

Self love

In keeping with this week’s theme of love and in honor of Valentine’s Day I decided to write about a kind of love that we don’t talk much about, Self-love.

I don’t know why it’s so hard for us to put ourselves first, we put everybody else in front of us and we are always at the end of the list. Especially us as women, we do this all the time. I remember a therapist that I went to once, telling me that you have to look at it as if you are on an airplane. When the flight attendant tells you that in case of an emergency, grab your mask and put it on 1st and then help your loved ones put on theirs.

That analogy was kind of an eye-opener to me because if you don’t put that mask on first then you will not be able to help your loved ones in an emergency. It’s kind of like life if you don’t take care of yourself first, then you won’t be able to take care of others.
I know for so many years I was a pleaser, I wanted to please everybody else so much that I let myself go, physically, emotionally, and mentally until there was nothing left of me and I didn’t even know who I was anymore.

I remember when I woke up and looked in the mirror one morning and I didn’t know who I was anymore, I hated myself and my life and knew I had to make a change. Trust and believe I came against a lot of resistance from my family who obviously wanted things to stay the same. My family would laugh at me during dinner, saying “Oh mom’s into that woo-woo stuff again” but I didn’t care, because I knew that I needed this for myself. So I started reading books and I started to go to Self Help seminars.

I went to Louise Hay’s I Can Do It. I went to see Dr. Wayne Dyer, to see Miriam Williamson, Dr. Brain Weiss, Tony Robbins, and all these Self Help gurus that would give me some insight on how to love myself and how to change.

The more I started to like myself, the more my ex kept on telling me about how stupid I was and how dumb all of this was because he could see the change and he was afraid. I was getting stronger and he couldn’t let that happen because then he would lose his control over me.

I would write and put up sticky notes in my bathroom that said you are worthy, you are beautiful. You can do this, anything that would keep me motivated to get to this new me.

I started writing a gratitude journal and some days I have to be honest I wasn’t grateful for much, so I’d write I was grateful for waking up or my girls. Small things, anything just to start my mind thinking that way. I started writing positive things about what I wanted my life to be, and how I wanted to feel. I made vision boards with what I wanted to do when I was there. All of this to reprogram my mind.

Look, I know it’s easy to love others hell, I’ve loved some really crappy men and that was easy but self-love is hard. We think we don’t deserve it, that it is selfish, why we need it and so it’s always last on our list.
But when you don’t love yourself, when you put yourself last, you are giving free rein to others to treat you like that as well.

I’ve learned that it is okay to take 20 minutes a day and meditate, and to go to the gym every morning for me, for my body, and my mental health. It’s okay not to do the dishes and meet up with your girlfriends, to have a massage or facial, to take that me time that you need to recharge.

So today my friends, my message is we must learn self-love. It’s okay to love yourself, to put yourself first. It will make you a better mother or father, a better partner, and an amazing parent because you are fulfilled and happy. So to practice what I preach, on Valentine’s day, I am getting a massage and a facial, because I know I’m worth it, and it is my gift to myself. So do something this week just for yourself, take that time, and love yourself, you are so worth it.

“Be the change you want to see”

“And just when the caterpillar thought his life over…he turned into a beautiful butterfly”

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