01 Mar Why do I talk about my past

Why do I talk about my past

Ever jump out of bed because you love what you do?
That’s how I feel about writing this blog and today I couldn’t wait to be on this treadmill to write.

Yesterday a reader wrote to me and asked me why I talked so much about my past life and my ex.
So Dear reader,
The reason I talk so much about my past life and my ex is that I am the voice so many women do not have.
I am the champion of this cause.
I will keep shining the light on a subject no one wants to talk about.
I will write and will try to give hope to women who are still struggling to leave. Until my last breath, I will talk about this. I am here to say that no one should have to live and be treated like this, ever.

You have no idea of how many women reach out to me and tell me that because of my writing, they got the strength to leave. They saw my journey and it gave them hope.
How they used my strength, and my unstoppable faith to stand tall. My words got them to believe in themselves again, and to gain the courage to finally leave.

I remember speaking to an ex’s ex.
(Yes, I am that woman who are friends with her ex’s exes. Because let’s be real, they had good taste in women so why shouldn’t we be friends?)

She told of the hope I used to give her when she read my blogs. How she could relate to my pain, how she was in the same place and prayed that one day she would be free like I was.

Who knew this would come full circle with me dating her ex and then me realizing that I was going back into the lion’s den yet again? That was until I decided that this voice inside of me was screaming too loud for me to ignore anymore.

Hello!! Did I not know the signs? Did it not take me 24 years to get out of the last one? Wasn’t the boyfriend after my divorce, a con artist? And yet there I was again.

See I am human, and at that time, I still had things to work through especially when it comes to men and the ones I pick.
I speak of all of this in my blogs to show other women that we all do dumb things like this and it’s a process. This is a lesson that some of us take longer to get than others and it’s okay.

As we were talking, we realized that we both knew the journey. We were glad to be able to have each other to validate our feelings, that we weren’t “crazy”
That these were his issues and not ours. That the signs were there from the beginning and yet we both chose to ignore them.

Sometimes the whole world sees a different picture, this “Great man” that is far from great, behind closed doors, and yet you are the “crazy one”
Why would you ever leave such a good man?
You’re labeled unstable or uncommittable when you damn well know he will never own his issues.

I remember that she never spoke to me about him, she never spoke a bad word about this man as she thought maybe he had changed his ways. Maybe I was the one to make him want to change. We talked deep into the night, and we’ve come to realize you have to own your stuff to change. You have to admit to your faults and dear reader if you read my blog regularly, you will know I put it out there, all my faults, all of my issues…I am not blindly telling readers to do as I say not as I do.

I’ve had counseling, my kids had counseling. I am far from perfect as I tell you all the time. I own what I do, I own that I screw up, and I raise my hand when I do something stupid.

Hello!! Keep picking losers then write about it for the whole world to see, then get back to me!

I do this so others will see the real me, the same real person, they see when they look into the mirror. I am just like them except I am blessed to have this platform to speak from, to tell my story, to make them think, to cry, to have hope, and to see they are not alone.

So dear reader this is why I write about my past and my ex, it’s not that I can’t let go, or not that I can’t forgive. (Read my back blogs, I’ve even forgiven my rapist, so trust and believe, my ex was a lot easier to forgive)
It’s not that I am uncommittable, or I am crazy…No, sweetie I write because I am the voice they no longer have. I hope that I can just give one person hope, that one person can say if she did it, I can do it.

So today my friends, I am here to tell you that I am real and I am raw and that is what the world needs more of. So if my writing about my past bothers you, maybe you need to ask yourself why? Maybe you need to read another blog, a more flowery one, maybe this blog isn’t for you and you know what it’s all good.
I am not for everyone and this is why I love America you can change the channel, and you can pick and choose. You have a choice but for the readers out there struggling, know I will never stop.
I will forever be your voice, I will keep being here telling you how amazing your life can be if you believe and if you choose the life you want. This, my friend, is what motivates me every day to write about my past.

“Be the change you want to see”
@TreadmillTreats
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