This is a blog that I wrote a few years ago, but lately, I think I need to repost it because it seems many need it, especially while we are coming into the holiday season.

I’ve been hearing this issue a lot lately from a bunch of my readers and from my girlfriends that we all seem to be stuck on stupid.

What I mean by that is we have been hurt, used, and abused. We have been an afterthought, we have been ghosted, cheated on, lied to and yet when a good man comes along we can’t see him for what he’s worth because we’re still stuck on stupid.

Even though in our heads, we know what stupid looks like, and we know what stupid sounds like. We remember what stupid did, and even if we are learning to realize our value, for some reason, our hearts do not see any of that.

Our heart keeps telling us how much we miss them, how things remind us of them, how maybe there might be another chance… 

Why did this happen? It was so great. It’s almost like there’s two people in your body, the one person with the brain telling you…

“Are you joking? Do you not remember what this man did to you? Remember how many times you cried because of him? Remember all the warning signs? Don’t you know that he’s going to hurt you yet again because he’s proven that to you, over and over? “

And then there’s this other person living in la-la land saying “Oh he might have changed…oh, but don’t you remember how wonderful it was? Remember when he told you this or that… Like when he said you’re beautiful or he wanted to spend 50 years with you. Remember all the times you laid in bed and talked for hours or all the good times you shared together?” 

And you think, yes… it wasn’t all bad, there were many good times. Reality check! There were way more bad than good. Otherwise, you’d still be together! 

Let me ask you, how many of us have men who are willing to step up? Who does the right thing? Who says the right things, who will text you every morning just to say good morning or good night and sweet dreams?

Men who are willing to step up, yet we are still stuck on stupid.

Too many, as I have been finding out lately…way too many, yet we still do this.

I know I have not been alone on this stupid train, and I still wonder why we do this? Why do we keep thinking of them, why when we run into them, it’s like a punch in the gut. It’s like all the air is sucked out of you, and you’re standing there gasping even when your head is saying run. Your heart won’t let you.

When you think you’re good, when you’ve thought you’ve moved on, when your heart is starting to heal and BAM! Here he is, yet again ripping that newly healed scab off.

Yes, we have heard it all from friends and family. He’s no good, move on, you deserve better, he’s an asshole. Yes, we know all of that, and believe us, we’ve cried too many tears for that man and lost too many nights to sleep over him. This is nothing new…we know… we get it.

But here we are just trying to tell our hearts this, to recognize this fact.

It is a day by day process. We need to dig deep and try to figure out why we think it’s okay to keep being treated like this.

Maybe it’s the fact that we are being rejected, and we are trying to get them at all costs. Maybe we have issues, like I did. Issues of trying to win love like I’ve always done, starting with my grandma, to my best friend, to my ex-husband. These patterns that I’ve kept repeating in my life until I went back to therapy.

Maybe it’s low self-esteem, you don’t think you’re worthy or no one else will come and so you settle. Whatever the reason is, we need to address them, and we need to fix it because being stuck on stupid is not an option anymore.

I’ve realized I did not stay in a loveless, abusive marriage for 24 years to be treated badly yet again, now that I am free. I am human, I am learning and growing each and every day, and I realize my worth and what I want from my next relationship.

I want it all, I expect it all…why? Because I give my all, that’s why and I expect the same in return. So this time, I will not settle. No matter what my heart is saying, I am going to be Judge Judy and just overrule that shit!

So today, my friends, to all my queens out there. Remember, we are all learning and growing together. It’s okay if we slip and fall sometimes, as long as we pick ourselves up and know what we have to continue to strive for and I’m here to tell you it’s surely not being stuck on stupid!

“Be the change you want to see”

@TreadmillTreats