So if you know me or follow me, you know I’ve been through some shit in my life. Actually, lots of shit. And even though I am one of the most positive people you will ever meet, I still am human. 

I want to share this story, especially during this holiday season when so many people may be thinking of doing the same thing I once was.

I was in this horrible verbally abusive marriage for 24 years. I had just lost my mom suddenly, and it was the first Christmas without her. I was going through a divorce but still living in the home we shared. My girls definitely took their father’s side and locked me out of their lives even though they saw the abuse, I suffered all their lives. 

I had gotten sick, really sick, and no one even cared, and as I lay there, I thought that’s it, I’m outta here. I wrote notes to the girls and some friends. I got all my mothers old pills together and was going to do this on Christmas Eve.

I felt I had nothing to live for, that no one wanted me or would miss me anyways, so let’s just do this.

At the moment, I was about to take the pills. My Facebook messages notification went off, and because I thought who would be messaging me at 1am on Christmas Eve, I looked. It was an old high school friend named Art. I hadn’t heard from him in 25 years, but here he was messaging me that he was thinking about me. He said how I was always there for him and others, and he wanted to let me know that he would always be there for me, that he was just a phone call away. I don’t know why, but I called him, and he listened as I went into the ugly cry telling him all about my life. 

He talked me off the ledge and told me my life had meaning. He let me know how many people I’ve been so kind to, and that loved me. By the time we hung up, I got on my knees and prayed for God’s help.

Who would have known that my life would be completely different one year later. I was divorced and happy. I had my own place and I was giving a housewarming party in which many of my school friends were flying in from all over the country. I finally was at peace with who I was and where I was going. I started my own business, had many friends, and was happy. I couldn’t ever see this happening on that horrible night when I was planning to take my life.

So today, my friends, this message may be for you. You may be going through some terrible times right now. You may not be able to see the sun, and you may be thinking it’s not worth it, but I’m here to tell you that it is.

That one day, one week or one year from now, your whole life could be different. You can’t give up. You may be the light for someone else. 

I posted a thank you blog to my dear friend Art a year later. Someone reached out to me and said they were about to take their own life, but reading my blog made him rethink it and hold on. See…my story helped someone else. Your story could be your testimony, but you have to be here to tell it. 

Only you can be the change you want to see.

@Treadmilltreats